Releasing Past Loves

The meditation that found me today was focused on releasing past loves. Most past loves are easy for me to release because I can so clearly see now why they weren't appropriate for me.  However, I have this one--the most recent guy I dated that admittedly still has me a little screwed up.  I know that I'm not quite over this because of several glaring signs:

1.  I feel angry when I think about him,
2.  I can't bare the thought of him being with someone else
3.  I still say to myself, "if only he was..."
4.  I compare him to the people I go out on dates with now and
           they usually don't measure up.

I think my friends might be surprised to hear me say that I'm still hung up on this person because I rarely, if ever, mention him--if I do it's usually to provide a frame of reference when talking with someone else who is struggling with relationship stuff.  I don't actually own up to my own stuckness with this person--oof, this sounds an awful lot like denial.  I just don't want to admit that I am still having issues with someone I dated for just a short amount of time.

The reason I have so much trouble with it though is because there was such incredible chemistry between us.  We met doing something I love--karaoke. He was drawn to me as I was being completely myself and so initially I felt very secure in the relationship. There were so many things we had in common--we are both pescatarians, work in a helping field, and have a very similar sense of humor.  He was super romantic and spontaneous--making for a really magical summer.  I admired him and saw potential in our future--but unfortunately he was completely unavailable (which he was open about from the beginning) and so it was not going to last.  What I came to realize was this person is just not the right fit (thank you, Kathryn Alice for enlightening me on this concept in your book, "Love Will Find You."  Excellent read.)

Even though I have no interest in getting back together with this person,  I have obviously not let this person go completely and the danger in that is that my heart isn't fully open to receiving a new love--having even the littlest part of me harboring resentment towards this person closes me off.  So I have to let go of these resentments and really truly move on and so I can be fully available.  So my process of releasing in a formal sitting practice goes as follows:

1.  While holding an image of this person in my mind, I sit with
           any and all emotions that arise.
2.  I release him by saying to myself that I am no longer feeling
          resentment or anger on my in-breath
3.  On the out-breath, I wish him all the best in his search for love
          and happiness.

This will be a constant practice until the four feelings I mentioned above have diminished.  But what I definitely appreciate about the relationship is that in the moment it was such great fun and I was really present at the time it was happening.  I reminded myself constantly when we were together not to get attached to the outcome of the relationship but just to be in the moment because it was such wonderful times. 

What I also am grateful for is what the relationship taught me.  As Gabby Bernstein says "relationships are assignments" meaning no one comes into our life by accident and no relationship is ever a waste of our time and energy.  With each relationship, and particularly with this one, I learn more and more about who I am, what my needs and wants are, and what my non-negotiables are.  I definitely learned that it's not tolerable for me to be with someone who is unavailable, self-absorbed, or has difficultly dealing with stress.  I also learned that I don't want to be with someone who is judgmental.  The relationship reinforced how important electric chemistry is to me and that there is definitely more than one person out there that I'm going to have that with.  I am hopeful that person--dare I say soulmate?--is out there and just as excited to start a life with me as I am with them.  Perhaps that guy is on a path towards meeting me someday really soon--or maybe it will be in the slightly distant future...or maybe we've already met?  Who knows?!  Exciting, right?

I RELEASE PAST LOVES SO THAT I CAN HAVE SOMETHING BETTER!

Do you have someone you have difficulty releasing?  What's your process of letting go?

Namaste and much love!
Brooke