Happy New Year's Eve! Hopefully this blog post finds you preparing for a fun and safe evening with your loved ones. I hope you are also thinking about what your intentions and goals are for the new year. I have only more step after this one to complete my instructions on preparing for your own greatness in 2012 and beyond. Just to review, the steps so far are:
1. BELIEVE in your greatness
2. DREAM without limitations about what your future greatness is going to
look like and create artwork that reflects it
3. VISUALIZE and meditate everyday about what that greatness entails
in order to communicate very clearly to the Universe what it is that
you want.
Step 4 is to WRITE down your goals and intentions. Let's start with the goals...
So, it's finally time to break down those big dreams into some manageable goals for the new year. Start by writing down your dreams and considering some of the steps that you will be required to take along the way to get there. Mike Dooley suggests that we not got too caught up in "the cursed how's" when it comes to achieving our dreams, but you do need to have some direction and you must take some action if anything is going to come into fruition. I think that what he means is not to become too attached to those steps as though they are the only means by which you can attain your goals. Hope that makes sense!
Let's say you have a goal of eventually owning your own business. I'll use my own aspirations as an example. My dream is to be become a lifestyle guru of sorts for the masses. My professional credentials, writing, and connections with people are all critical components to the development of this role so my goals for this year involve me finishing up my post-grad work at Johns Hopkins in Counseling, applying for my license as a professional counselor, applying for my art therapy credentials, creating a profile on LinkedIn, finding other networking opportunities, joining Toastmasters, attending trainings, remaining committed to writing this blog on a regular basis, doing a professional photo shoot and creating a website for myself, and by the end of the year submitting my blog posts in the form of a manuscript to lots of publishers. Exciting! I created a timeline for the year for when I can expect myself to have finished each one of these goals. In addition to these I have personal goals as well.
A couple of apps I've downloaded to my ipad that I enjoy using for goal tracking are "Do - Motivational Calendar" and an app inspired by Tony Robbins called "Goal Setting Workshop" by Motivapps. You might find those helpful as well. Just find some way that works for you to keep your goals in front of you so you don't forget what you are working on and so you take daily steps towards getting closer to reaching them.
Now for intentions. Goals are destinations, whereas intentions have more to do with the process. Intentions are your guidelines for daily living. They should align with your values. They should help give structure to your day and be a means by which your connections to others, the Universe, and yourself are strengthened.
Some of my intentions include the following:
- I intend to continue to share my truth
- I intend to trust more that the Universe has got my back
- I intend to choose love over fear
- I intend to live in the present and let go of future-tripping
- I intend to strengthen my connection to my inner guide through daily meditation
That's most of them. I have a few more. What are yours? I would love to hear about them! Write each intention down on a separate individual sheet of paper for yourself and keep them handy for tomorrow.
Have fun with this process and tune in tomorrow when I talk about the 5th and final step in Preparing for Greatness!
Have a happy and safe New Year's celebration!
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Preparing For Greatness Step 3
I'm assuming that in following my first two steps, you now 1. Believe that 2012 is YOUR year and 2. You've extended your big dreams for your future well beyond 2012. So, before getting into breaking down those dreams into bite-size goals for the new year, let's have some fun with visualizations! Get ready for me to get geeked out! I have so much fun with this and I hope you will too!
This is really an extension of the last step--the DREAM step. In the last post I suggested you create some kind of artwork that represents your vision of what you would like to have and who you would like to be in the future. This step engages your imagination even more and involves a regular brief meditation practice.
I have taken Mike Dooley's suggestion (Infinite Possibilities, Leveraging the Universe) to do a visualization practice for one specific area of your life each day for a maximum of 5 minutes a day. He says that any more than that and you would be living too much in a fantasy world and missing out on the present. But he recommends that 5 minutes is enough to send powerful messages to the Universe about what you want. Here's how I do it:
Mondays - Romantic partnership
Tuesdays- New home
Wednesdays - Professional life
Thursdays - Travel
Fridays - Family and friends
weekends - off OR do whatever meditation I feel like doing
Your meditation practice should be a fairly detailed image of what you envision your future will look like in each particular area. Engage all of your senses in order to make it as real in your mind as possible. Really embody the joy that you know you will feel as a result to reaching these points in your life. Feel free to create whatever categories you want for the different areas of your life that are important to you.
I have been doing this practice (admittedly inconsistently) for a little while now but going in to the new year, I plan to take my practice to the next level. I have written out a detailed visualization for each day and I'm about to record them with my voice using Garage Band on my Mac. I'll then upload the tracks to my ipod and hook it up to my alarm clock which has an ipod dock. I can then wake up to the track and do my visualization before even getting out of bed each morning. What a way to start the day by getting excited about my amazing future!
I really enjoy this exercise since I'm a visual person and I love to write guided meditation scripts and it's something I'm practiced at. But if you find this to be a difficult exercise, let me know and I'd love to help you get started! And you certainly don't have to be all geeky about it like me. The most important thing is just to think about what it is you want (don't worry right now about how you're going to get there) and imagine yourself and the feelings you will have as if it's already happened. Stay with this visual for at least 5 minutes every day.
The Universe will be saying--"Got it! Thanks for making it super clear for me--I'll go do your part if you go do yours!"
Oh yeah that's right. I forgot to tell you. It's not enough just to meditate on what you want...you actually have to take action too...but you probably already knew that, right?
Remember: Believe, Dream, Meditate...and stay tuned for the last couple of steps.
Rock on,
Brooke
This is really an extension of the last step--the DREAM step. In the last post I suggested you create some kind of artwork that represents your vision of what you would like to have and who you would like to be in the future. This step engages your imagination even more and involves a regular brief meditation practice.
I have taken Mike Dooley's suggestion (Infinite Possibilities, Leveraging the Universe) to do a visualization practice for one specific area of your life each day for a maximum of 5 minutes a day. He says that any more than that and you would be living too much in a fantasy world and missing out on the present. But he recommends that 5 minutes is enough to send powerful messages to the Universe about what you want. Here's how I do it:
Mondays - Romantic partnership
Tuesdays- New home
Wednesdays - Professional life
Thursdays - Travel
Fridays - Family and friends
weekends - off OR do whatever meditation I feel like doing
Your meditation practice should be a fairly detailed image of what you envision your future will look like in each particular area. Engage all of your senses in order to make it as real in your mind as possible. Really embody the joy that you know you will feel as a result to reaching these points in your life. Feel free to create whatever categories you want for the different areas of your life that are important to you.
I have been doing this practice (admittedly inconsistently) for a little while now but going in to the new year, I plan to take my practice to the next level. I have written out a detailed visualization for each day and I'm about to record them with my voice using Garage Band on my Mac. I'll then upload the tracks to my ipod and hook it up to my alarm clock which has an ipod dock. I can then wake up to the track and do my visualization before even getting out of bed each morning. What a way to start the day by getting excited about my amazing future!
I really enjoy this exercise since I'm a visual person and I love to write guided meditation scripts and it's something I'm practiced at. But if you find this to be a difficult exercise, let me know and I'd love to help you get started! And you certainly don't have to be all geeky about it like me. The most important thing is just to think about what it is you want (don't worry right now about how you're going to get there) and imagine yourself and the feelings you will have as if it's already happened. Stay with this visual for at least 5 minutes every day.
The Universe will be saying--"Got it! Thanks for making it super clear for me--I'll go do your part if you go do yours!"
Oh yeah that's right. I forgot to tell you. It's not enough just to meditate on what you want...you actually have to take action too...but you probably already knew that, right?
Remember: Believe, Dream, Meditate...and stay tuned for the last couple of steps.
Rock on,
Brooke
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Preparing For Greatness Step 2
So, the first part in the process of preparing for greatness as per my post from Monday is to BELIEVE you will experience greatness in 2012. The second step is to DREAM about it! This is the process of getting really clear about what you want. The clearer you are, the better.
Start by dreaming up what you envision for yourself well into the future... Dream big and try not to limit yourself with thoughts like--"That sure would be nice, but I don't think that's going to happen for me." Allow your imagination to take you to those exciting places and BELIEVE that it's possible for you! Why wouldn't it be possible for you? People who have been wildly successful and lived the life that most of us only fantacize about is because they believed they could have it all-- not because it was their destiny or their birthright and certainly not because it happened by accident. The combination of their positive thoughts and action turned their dreams into a reality.
As you start your dreamin', begin with how you would like your personal life to look. Are you longing to have a wonderful romantic partner? Are you already with that special person and want to take it to the next level? Want to have a super loving gigantic family? Or perhaps a beautiful tight-knit small one? Do you yearn to travel more? Do you want to get your body into the most optimal shape? (and keep it there!) What sorts of things would you like to have? Would you like to own your own home? Maybe two? Heck...three? Is there a hobby or sport that you've always wanted to take up? Do you want to have a really strong network of friends?
What about what you envision for yourself professionally? I think this is really fun to think about because let's face it--it is so important to be satisfied with your career. The career development journey is a fun one too--there is always room to grow in this area! And each milestone is exciting and rewarding. So where do you ultimately want to end up with your career? Do you want to own your own business? Do you want to be able to live off the interest from your investments so that you don't have to work anymore? Do you want to write a book? Do you want to be the President or Vice President of the company you currently work for? Do you want to become a teacher and have a super rewarding job with your summers to yourself?!
You know what's even better? Try to dream without separating your personal and professional lives--is there a way you could integrate the two more? This just might be one of the keys to true happiness--not to feel as though you are living two different lives but rather both are really enjoyable aspects of your authentic self. For instance, I am pretty in love with the work that I do today and I am happy to be at work, but I really hope to integrate my personal life and my professional life more in the future. I think this will probably be easier when I have my own business. I would love to have a business that my romantic partner and friends are really involved in. I would love for my day-to-day to consist of nothing but tasks that I really enjoy--like writing, connecting with people, being silly as hell, and being active. When I can set my own schedule and be my own boss, I'm sure I can make this happen!
Whatever it is that you want most in life, imagine it in as much detail as possible. Meditate on it and engage all of your senses in order to experience it as if it has already happened. Invoke the emotions you will feel when these dreams are realized. This is the most important piece of dreaming and visualizing what you want because this is ultimately what we are after--the happiness we feel as a result of getting what we worked so hard to achieve.
Now...take your images to the next level! I'm an art therapist so of course I'm going to recommend that you create some kind of artwork, collage, or vision board that reflects everything you just thought about. Keeping this visual in front of you is not only a great motivator but it sends the message to the Universe that you are ready for all this great stuff to happen! Use whatever materials you want to use to create this. Perhaps magazine images are the best way for you express this. Whatever works best for you...just get to it!
Maybe you are thinking--"but wait, I just need to focus on 2012 for now." We're getting there...we'll break it down even more over the next couple of days.
Awesome...I'm so excited for you to have everything you want but more importantly, I'm super excited for the kick ass journey you will have getting there.
Hell yeah,
Brooke
Start by dreaming up what you envision for yourself well into the future... Dream big and try not to limit yourself with thoughts like--"That sure would be nice, but I don't think that's going to happen for me." Allow your imagination to take you to those exciting places and BELIEVE that it's possible for you! Why wouldn't it be possible for you? People who have been wildly successful and lived the life that most of us only fantacize about is because they believed they could have it all-- not because it was their destiny or their birthright and certainly not because it happened by accident. The combination of their positive thoughts and action turned their dreams into a reality.
As you start your dreamin', begin with how you would like your personal life to look. Are you longing to have a wonderful romantic partner? Are you already with that special person and want to take it to the next level? Want to have a super loving gigantic family? Or perhaps a beautiful tight-knit small one? Do you yearn to travel more? Do you want to get your body into the most optimal shape? (and keep it there!) What sorts of things would you like to have? Would you like to own your own home? Maybe two? Heck...three? Is there a hobby or sport that you've always wanted to take up? Do you want to have a really strong network of friends?
What about what you envision for yourself professionally? I think this is really fun to think about because let's face it--it is so important to be satisfied with your career. The career development journey is a fun one too--there is always room to grow in this area! And each milestone is exciting and rewarding. So where do you ultimately want to end up with your career? Do you want to own your own business? Do you want to be able to live off the interest from your investments so that you don't have to work anymore? Do you want to write a book? Do you want to be the President or Vice President of the company you currently work for? Do you want to become a teacher and have a super rewarding job with your summers to yourself?!
You know what's even better? Try to dream without separating your personal and professional lives--is there a way you could integrate the two more? This just might be one of the keys to true happiness--not to feel as though you are living two different lives but rather both are really enjoyable aspects of your authentic self. For instance, I am pretty in love with the work that I do today and I am happy to be at work, but I really hope to integrate my personal life and my professional life more in the future. I think this will probably be easier when I have my own business. I would love to have a business that my romantic partner and friends are really involved in. I would love for my day-to-day to consist of nothing but tasks that I really enjoy--like writing, connecting with people, being silly as hell, and being active. When I can set my own schedule and be my own boss, I'm sure I can make this happen!
Whatever it is that you want most in life, imagine it in as much detail as possible. Meditate on it and engage all of your senses in order to experience it as if it has already happened. Invoke the emotions you will feel when these dreams are realized. This is the most important piece of dreaming and visualizing what you want because this is ultimately what we are after--the happiness we feel as a result of getting what we worked so hard to achieve.
Now...take your images to the next level! I'm an art therapist so of course I'm going to recommend that you create some kind of artwork, collage, or vision board that reflects everything you just thought about. Keeping this visual in front of you is not only a great motivator but it sends the message to the Universe that you are ready for all this great stuff to happen! Use whatever materials you want to use to create this. Perhaps magazine images are the best way for you express this. Whatever works best for you...just get to it!
Maybe you are thinking--"but wait, I just need to focus on 2012 for now." We're getting there...we'll break it down even more over the next couple of days.
Awesome...I'm so excited for you to have everything you want but more importantly, I'm super excited for the kick ass journey you will have getting there.
Hell yeah,
Brooke
Monday, December 26, 2011
Preparing For Greatness Step 1
Boy am I excited about the start of the new year! I think 2012 is going to be an amazing for me and so I've been busy all weekend preparing for greatness. Who's with me?!!
You are wondering just how to prepare yourself? The very first step is to BELIEVE that 2012 is YOUR year! If you don't really believe this, well, we're going to have some problems. If you are going to go into the new year with your champagne flute half empty, then guess what? 2012 is going to in fact be a disappointing year.
Maybe you are feeling less than thrilled about the start of a new year because last year was a bust. Perhaps you had to endure one too many hardships in 2011 and you are still reeling from the emotional impact of them. If that's the case, my heart goes out to you. And I also have to say that I believe things can turn around in the upcoming year if you can believe it for yourself! I believe at some point the hardships have to come to a halt so you can recover and experience a life that is less stressful and more enjoyable. So, hopefully it is a relief to know in your heart the difficult times won't last forever. I believe at some point, we also have to figure out how each hardship helped us to grow and then move on. Nothing we experience is by accident. If this is the case for you, change your belief by saying to yourself "I just made it through this tough-ass year and I'm emerging as a tough-ass gal/guy. 2012 is MY year."
Perhaps you are having a hard time believing you are about to have a ridiculously mind-blowing year because you are lonely and loneliness is an enthusiasm killer. Loneliness makes it so difficult to get excited about things. It can cause us to isolate even more and keep our baseline mood at blah. If you can relate to this, you can change your belief by saying to yourself "My loneliness is in the past. I'm ready to be surrounded by like-minded people who enjoy spending time with me." As you say this to yourself. imagine being in whatever social situation you would like to find yourself in--whether it be a romantic relationship or a core group of close friends or a group of people you volunteer with or maybe just one solid best friend. Do brief visualizations of whatever it is you want in terms of connecting more with people and then set the intention to go out there and be amongst people as much as possible in the new year.
Maybe you're struggling with the belief that you are going to have a super fantastic rock star year because you are by nature a pessimist and it's uncharacteristic of you to look forward to anything. Perhaps things are status quo or even better but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can so relate to this one! But I changed this belief. I changed this belief by expressing my gratitude everyday to the Universe for what I have today and what is to come. I changed this belief by CHOOSING to be happy today! I live my life as though all the amazing stuff I imagine for my future has already happened. The positive feelings I have about life today are the same as the positive feelings I have when I imagine arriving at certain points in my life that I'm looking forward to! When you really truly realize your ability to choose happiness right now and to have a positive outlook about your future--it is mind-blowing. If you do nothing else in the new year...adopt this approach and have an unshakable belief that you are about to experience greatness in the new year and beyond.
Stay tuned this week for more tips on preparing for greatness!! I am so excited about being on this journey with you!
Tally ho!!!
Brooke
You are wondering just how to prepare yourself? The very first step is to BELIEVE that 2012 is YOUR year! If you don't really believe this, well, we're going to have some problems. If you are going to go into the new year with your champagne flute half empty, then guess what? 2012 is going to in fact be a disappointing year.
Maybe you are feeling less than thrilled about the start of a new year because last year was a bust. Perhaps you had to endure one too many hardships in 2011 and you are still reeling from the emotional impact of them. If that's the case, my heart goes out to you. And I also have to say that I believe things can turn around in the upcoming year if you can believe it for yourself! I believe at some point the hardships have to come to a halt so you can recover and experience a life that is less stressful and more enjoyable. So, hopefully it is a relief to know in your heart the difficult times won't last forever. I believe at some point, we also have to figure out how each hardship helped us to grow and then move on. Nothing we experience is by accident. If this is the case for you, change your belief by saying to yourself "I just made it through this tough-ass year and I'm emerging as a tough-ass gal/guy. 2012 is MY year."
Perhaps you are having a hard time believing you are about to have a ridiculously mind-blowing year because you are lonely and loneliness is an enthusiasm killer. Loneliness makes it so difficult to get excited about things. It can cause us to isolate even more and keep our baseline mood at blah. If you can relate to this, you can change your belief by saying to yourself "My loneliness is in the past. I'm ready to be surrounded by like-minded people who enjoy spending time with me." As you say this to yourself. imagine being in whatever social situation you would like to find yourself in--whether it be a romantic relationship or a core group of close friends or a group of people you volunteer with or maybe just one solid best friend. Do brief visualizations of whatever it is you want in terms of connecting more with people and then set the intention to go out there and be amongst people as much as possible in the new year.
Maybe you're struggling with the belief that you are going to have a super fantastic rock star year because you are by nature a pessimist and it's uncharacteristic of you to look forward to anything. Perhaps things are status quo or even better but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can so relate to this one! But I changed this belief. I changed this belief by expressing my gratitude everyday to the Universe for what I have today and what is to come. I changed this belief by CHOOSING to be happy today! I live my life as though all the amazing stuff I imagine for my future has already happened. The positive feelings I have about life today are the same as the positive feelings I have when I imagine arriving at certain points in my life that I'm looking forward to! When you really truly realize your ability to choose happiness right now and to have a positive outlook about your future--it is mind-blowing. If you do nothing else in the new year...adopt this approach and have an unshakable belief that you are about to experience greatness in the new year and beyond.
Stay tuned this week for more tips on preparing for greatness!! I am so excited about being on this journey with you!
Tally ho!!!
Brooke
Friday, December 23, 2011
Making Impressive Sweeping Movements
Today I want to talk about flourishing one more time before I sign off for a little holiday break. I want to talk about flourishing in the sense of "making impressive sweeping movements" (as per Webster's dictionary) as it relates to the other type of flourishing I've been talking about--growth.
Here are 3 simple ways to make impressive sweeping movements that can have a significant positive impact on your life.
The white flag of course is a symbol of surrender. I mentioned in yesterday's post what a reflief it is when you finally surrender to the notion that the Universe has got your back. The first three steps of the 12-step model for recovery from addiction deals with accepting one's powerlessness and surrendering to a higher power. Notice it's not the middle three or the last three but the first three. This is applicable for all of us--not just those that struggling with addiction. This is a great anxiety-reducer because once you surrender you can finally stop trying to control everything that is beyond your control and trust that things are going to work out one way or another--or at least how they are supposed to. Then you can go about your life-being productive, having fun, and worrying less. You'll be doing your part and trusting that you will reach your desired outcome without becoming too hung up on just how and when you're going to get there. The Universe has got you!
Here's your mantra for this: Thank you, Universe for always being behind me while moving me forward. I'll keep doing my part while you keep doing yours.
I'm borrowing this concept from Buddhism. The sword that cuts through the ego in Buddhism is called "Prajna" which means "wisdom" or "consciousness." Cutting through ego using prajna means that you're using wisdom to challenge your limiting beliefs, which the nasty ego is responsible for. Prajna is inquisitive and curious. Prajna cuts through faulty cognitions and delusional thinking.
Buddhists have a process for sharpening the sword of Prajna--or for the non-Buddhist practitioners--deepening our wisdom and understanding. The three stages of the process are 1. Hearing, 2. Contemplating and 3. Meditating. Here is how I would suggest you use this process.
1. Hearing - So, now that you've surrendered to the voice of the Universe, which comes to you in the form of your inner guide, you must listen to that inner guide or spirit. This requires a sense of openness and receptivity. Start by asking your inner guide to speak to you and then really really listen. and trust. Listen to this guide only--not the voice of the ego. How do you know the difference? Your inner guide will have a loving voice and will have only kind things to say to you and the ego will not...simple as that.
2. Contemplating - Take what you heard and really mull it over. Really think about what your inner guide is trying to tell you. Focus your thoughts deliberately on this piece of intuitive wisdom.
3. Meditating - This part of the process in Buddhism means that the information you have received and digested has now become a part of you--it is in no way seperate from you. When you sit in meditation, integrate this wisdom into your very being and allow it to push out the ego's criticisms. This wisdom becomes love.
Here are 3 simple ways to make impressive sweeping movements that can have a significant positive impact on your life.
***FLOURISH A WHITE FLAG***
The white flag of course is a symbol of surrender. I mentioned in yesterday's post what a reflief it is when you finally surrender to the notion that the Universe has got your back. The first three steps of the 12-step model for recovery from addiction deals with accepting one's powerlessness and surrendering to a higher power. Notice it's not the middle three or the last three but the first three. This is applicable for all of us--not just those that struggling with addiction. This is a great anxiety-reducer because once you surrender you can finally stop trying to control everything that is beyond your control and trust that things are going to work out one way or another--or at least how they are supposed to. Then you can go about your life-being productive, having fun, and worrying less. You'll be doing your part and trusting that you will reach your desired outcome without becoming too hung up on just how and when you're going to get there. The Universe has got you!
Here's your mantra for this: Thank you, Universe for always being behind me while moving me forward. I'll keep doing my part while you keep doing yours.
***FLOURISH THE SWORD OF WISDOM***
Buddhists have a process for sharpening the sword of Prajna--or for the non-Buddhist practitioners--deepening our wisdom and understanding. The three stages of the process are 1. Hearing, 2. Contemplating and 3. Meditating. Here is how I would suggest you use this process.
1. Hearing - So, now that you've surrendered to the voice of the Universe, which comes to you in the form of your inner guide, you must listen to that inner guide or spirit. This requires a sense of openness and receptivity. Start by asking your inner guide to speak to you and then really really listen. and trust. Listen to this guide only--not the voice of the ego. How do you know the difference? Your inner guide will have a loving voice and will have only kind things to say to you and the ego will not...simple as that.
2. Contemplating - Take what you heard and really mull it over. Really think about what your inner guide is trying to tell you. Focus your thoughts deliberately on this piece of intuitive wisdom.
3. Meditating - This part of the process in Buddhism means that the information you have received and digested has now become a part of you--it is in no way seperate from you. When you sit in meditation, integrate this wisdom into your very being and allow it to push out the ego's criticisms. This wisdom becomes love.
***FLOURISH YOUR ARMS***
Now throw your hands in the air! And wave 'em like you just don't care!! I will forever be trying to convince people that dancing is the antedote for all woes. If you are feeling low, put on some LMFAO and "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah!" until you have completely forgotten what was troubling you.
Dancing is also a great way to process emotions. I see evidence of this everyday with my clients who have dance therapy sessions with my dear friend, Jessica who is our dance/movement therapist. It's incredibly powerful. You don't need music for this but you may want to use the right song to help better invoke the feeling you are processing. Just try it sometime--fully embody an emotion you are experiencing and allow it to move you. See how this movement evolves and use it as transformational process. If you are weeping by the end of it--awesome.
Cool. Flourish until your arms feel like jello, my friends. Jello-y arms means growth. I think. My metaphor is becoming a little wacky. Time to go flourish some Christmas cookies into my mouth!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH, AND HAPPY KWANZAA!
With tons of love and warmth,
Brooke
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Believing You Can Flourish
I woke this morning thinking that a very important aspect of flourishing is BELIEVING that you can, that you deserve to, and that you indeed will flourish! OMG--check it--that's the title of my blog site! Woot woot!!
So I've broken down the beliefs into these 3 categories, which I explain in further detail below. If you are having any trouble in any of these areas, then there needs to be a radical shift in your thought process.
1. Believing that you CAN flourish:
This is about you trusting in your abilities to get you where you want to go in life. You may have a tiny mad idea that tells you that you aren't smart enough or you're too old or you aren't physically capable. You are only limiting yourself with thoughts like that! If you trust in these tiny mad ideas, then you know what? You're right. Whatever thoughts you choose to put stock in, you will self-actualize. I have experience with this.
I used to have such low confidence in my intellect. I just didn't think I could keep up academically or in conversations. Every last one of my friends happens to be really intelligent so no matter who I surrounded myself with I always felt inadequate. I would get incredibly nervous and stumble over my words because I didn't trust at all that what I had to say was "smart enough." It got to a point where my thoughts were just so muddled all the time. And then what happened is I isolated myself like crazy because I couldn't bear being the dumb one in the bunch. And remember what I said about not being able to flourish in isolation? Yeah...that definitely wasn't working for me.
But I changed--I eradicated that thought and now I trust in my mind. I trust that what I have to say is intelligible and meaningful. I stumble no more. I can speak in front of large crowds even. I can command the attention of a small group of friends. People seek me out for guidance. It's pretty super awesome.
What's your tiny mad idea about your abilities?
2. Believing that you DESERVE TO flourish
Believing you don't deserve to grow results in either a plateau or worse--a steady downward spiral. I once had this "why bother" mentality because I didn't think I was worthy of much at all. I didn't care about growing because I was hopeless about my future. Depressing, huh? I thought this way because...well, I was depressed. Depression is when tiny mad ideas become catastrophic inane ideas. Depression ultimately leads to feelings of worthlessness.
I talk with ladies (gorgeous, intelligent talented, and successful ladies, mind you) all the time who struggle with self-love and at the core of their struggle is a lack of self-worth. Why on Earth would we believe we are not deserving of happiness, inner peace, health, and growth? These are our basic human rights! So, change this thought--you can think of it one of two ways. a. You can believe that you are worthy just as much as anyone else because no one is special--so therefore you are no less worthy than anyone else. If everyone were special then really no one is special, right? or...b. You can believe that you are incredibly special and therefore absolutely worthy of happiness, inner peace, health, and growth. I think they both get you there--if you're not feeling especially strong right now, then the former might be a good starting point.
What's your tiny mad idea about your self-worth?
2. Believing that you WILL flourish
This is about trusting that the Universe has got your back. I keep hearing this everywhere so it must be true! :) I hear this from all of my spiritual guides constantly and let me tell you...when you surrender to this notion, you can really really relax and enjoy life. I love this.
I think perhaps I was born a pessimist and then my pessimism kicked into high gear when my beloved grandmother (we called her Honey) died when I was 14. She was my second mom. She was this amazing woman that everyone adored and therefore I could not make sense of why she was taken out of this world. It was then that the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mentality was born in me and from that point on, that was my lens through which I saw my life circumstances. I used to feel so uncertain all the time. I didn't trust my choices and I felt like what did it even matter what choices I made because bad things happen randomly to good people and it would only be a matter of time before my number was up again. Is that any way to live?
What I needed was a major shift in perspective. What I needed was to learn to trust in my intuition and to start to trust that my thoughts become things. I needed to trust that the Universe has got my back as long as I do my part everyday (see yesterdays post.) So now I start and end the day with gratitude for what I have and what I will have because I know it will be splendid. The Universe loves being thanked in advance, by the way. And sure random bad stuff will happen--but I am so so so much better prepared to cope with that stuff now and it doesn't mean that I won't still have all the greatness I desire too.
What's your tiny mad idea about what your future holds?
So, what's the lesson today? Change your thoughts--change your life. It's really that easy. BE your best! LIEVE the rest!
Grow grow grow, beautiful flower.
Much love,
Brooke
So I've broken down the beliefs into these 3 categories, which I explain in further detail below. If you are having any trouble in any of these areas, then there needs to be a radical shift in your thought process.
1. Believing that you CAN flourish:
This is about you trusting in your abilities to get you where you want to go in life. You may have a tiny mad idea that tells you that you aren't smart enough or you're too old or you aren't physically capable. You are only limiting yourself with thoughts like that! If you trust in these tiny mad ideas, then you know what? You're right. Whatever thoughts you choose to put stock in, you will self-actualize. I have experience with this.
I used to have such low confidence in my intellect. I just didn't think I could keep up academically or in conversations. Every last one of my friends happens to be really intelligent so no matter who I surrounded myself with I always felt inadequate. I would get incredibly nervous and stumble over my words because I didn't trust at all that what I had to say was "smart enough." It got to a point where my thoughts were just so muddled all the time. And then what happened is I isolated myself like crazy because I couldn't bear being the dumb one in the bunch. And remember what I said about not being able to flourish in isolation? Yeah...that definitely wasn't working for me.
But I changed--I eradicated that thought and now I trust in my mind. I trust that what I have to say is intelligible and meaningful. I stumble no more. I can speak in front of large crowds even. I can command the attention of a small group of friends. People seek me out for guidance. It's pretty super awesome.
What's your tiny mad idea about your abilities?
2. Believing that you DESERVE TO flourish
Believing you don't deserve to grow results in either a plateau or worse--a steady downward spiral. I once had this "why bother" mentality because I didn't think I was worthy of much at all. I didn't care about growing because I was hopeless about my future. Depressing, huh? I thought this way because...well, I was depressed. Depression is when tiny mad ideas become catastrophic inane ideas. Depression ultimately leads to feelings of worthlessness.
I talk with ladies (gorgeous, intelligent talented, and successful ladies, mind you) all the time who struggle with self-love and at the core of their struggle is a lack of self-worth. Why on Earth would we believe we are not deserving of happiness, inner peace, health, and growth? These are our basic human rights! So, change this thought--you can think of it one of two ways. a. You can believe that you are worthy just as much as anyone else because no one is special--so therefore you are no less worthy than anyone else. If everyone were special then really no one is special, right? or...b. You can believe that you are incredibly special and therefore absolutely worthy of happiness, inner peace, health, and growth. I think they both get you there--if you're not feeling especially strong right now, then the former might be a good starting point.
What's your tiny mad idea about your self-worth?
2. Believing that you WILL flourish
This is about trusting that the Universe has got your back. I keep hearing this everywhere so it must be true! :) I hear this from all of my spiritual guides constantly and let me tell you...when you surrender to this notion, you can really really relax and enjoy life. I love this.
I think perhaps I was born a pessimist and then my pessimism kicked into high gear when my beloved grandmother (we called her Honey) died when I was 14. She was my second mom. She was this amazing woman that everyone adored and therefore I could not make sense of why she was taken out of this world. It was then that the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mentality was born in me and from that point on, that was my lens through which I saw my life circumstances. I used to feel so uncertain all the time. I didn't trust my choices and I felt like what did it even matter what choices I made because bad things happen randomly to good people and it would only be a matter of time before my number was up again. Is that any way to live?
What I needed was a major shift in perspective. What I needed was to learn to trust in my intuition and to start to trust that my thoughts become things. I needed to trust that the Universe has got my back as long as I do my part everyday (see yesterdays post.) So now I start and end the day with gratitude for what I have and what I will have because I know it will be splendid. The Universe loves being thanked in advance, by the way. And sure random bad stuff will happen--but I am so so so much better prepared to cope with that stuff now and it doesn't mean that I won't still have all the greatness I desire too.
What's your tiny mad idea about what your future holds?
So, what's the lesson today? Change your thoughts--change your life. It's really that easy. BE your best! LIEVE the rest!
Grow grow grow, beautiful flower.
Much love,
Brooke
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A How-to Guide to Flourishing
I wasn't really sure what to write about in regards to my theme of "flourshing" today until I got a wonderful "I'm proud of you and the work you are doing on yourself" text from a very dear friend. It got me thinking, well, if I'm trying to inspire others to flourish and prosper and be at their peak of condition, then maybe I should share what it is that I am doing on a regular basis to flourish--it might be of help to someone. After all, I seem to be transforming in a pretty awesome way--and people have been taking notice!
So, what the heck is that I'm up to that is allowing this positive transformation to take place?
1. Probably the single most important thing that I'm doing is listening to the voice of love inside of me and allowing it to be my guide--my only guide. This voice of love honors and validates my feelings. It is creative. It trumps fear. It is positive and hopeful. It gives me strength. It knows me better than I do. It is trustworthy. If you make no other positive changes in your life in 2012--make this one!!!
2. I make self-care a priority. My job is kinda tough. I deal with severe psychosis and mood disturbances (not just my own :) all day long 5 days a week and it will energetically wipe me out if I don't take care of myself. Once I'm wiped out, I become vulnerable to physical and mental illness. I can't let myself get to that point, so I take care of me by balancing time with friends with time for reflection and rest. I don't always get a good night's rest every night but I make it a priority to get better rest after a poor night's sleep so I don't get to the point that I'm running completely on empty. I ask people for help when I need it. I lean on my friends and other supports because I know I am worthy of it. I eat healthfully...usually :) I'm admittedly a little off track at the moment but I'm allowing myself to indulge a little--which is also part of self-care. I dance often--like, really often--wherever and whenever I can. I engage in other activities that feed my spirit like writing this blog as well as making art for myself, making art for others, baking, cooking, meditating, reading, playing games, walking, Facebook stalking (kidding about that last one...sort of. ha!)
3. I study study study!! I am a student of life but also an eternal academic. I have been doing so much studying lately. I have been devoted to learning more about how to leverage the Universe and how to become better connected to my inner guide and spirit by studying the teachings of Gabby Bernstein and Mike Dooley. It's great stuff--it's what kick-started me on this whirlwind transformation process. In January I plan to start A Course in Miracles as part of an intensive spiritual practice. In addition to all that goodness, I am finishing up post-graduate coursework at Hopkins in Clinical Community Counseling so I can get my license as a professional counselor soon! I have so many plans for my future with my career and I will never stop doing what it takes to get where I want to go next. And being a good therapist is important to me so I will keep studying to improve my skills. The work I'm doing personally that I mentioned before I have no doubt will help with that too.
4. I take breaks - I don't take breaks from listening to my inner voice and self-care but I do take breaks from work and study. Every couple of months, a perfectly-timed trip to Alabama to hang with my folks comes around. The timing really couldn't be better because it is always around the time of a trip I planned well in advance, that I become exhausted, burned out, and I start to shut down. So I go allow myself to be pampered by my ma and pa while I do absolutely nothing but stuff my face with my Mom's amazing meals and treats, watch the Military channel with my Dad, and wrestle with my Jack Russell, Tenzin. It is blissful. Those aren't the only times I take breaks though! I also give myself permission to melt into the couch after a particularly taxing day or for entire Sundays at times when I know I have very little left in me.
5. I am super social. I realize that this is not for everyone--because some people are introverts and some people are extraverts. Well, I have always been kind of on the fence between the two but in the past year or so I have fallen over the fence into Extravert's yard and it has been such a wonderful change. I am at a point now where I get energy from being around others. I'm not entirely sure how it happened--I think I just started building up slowly to having a pretty full social calendar and it's become so important to me. I feel like a person cannot grow in isolation. Sure we need time for healthy solitude--but it's possible for me to have too much of that. When I have too much time to myself, I get up in my head and bad things start to happen. When I make lots of connections with wonderful people, I flourish. In doing this, I have many opportunities to share my big bursty heart and to receive that wonderful love right back. I am able to have a positive impact on others and guess what? I get it right back! Whatever goodness I put out there--I just get it right back! I live for this exchange!!
Okay...that's about it. And I can tell you what has stifled my growth in the past is pretty much doing the exact opposite of everything I mentioned above.
Now your turn! I would love to hear from you--what do you do to keep on a steady path of flourishing?
xoxoxo,
Brooke
So, what the heck is that I'm up to that is allowing this positive transformation to take place?
1. Probably the single most important thing that I'm doing is listening to the voice of love inside of me and allowing it to be my guide--my only guide. This voice of love honors and validates my feelings. It is creative. It trumps fear. It is positive and hopeful. It gives me strength. It knows me better than I do. It is trustworthy. If you make no other positive changes in your life in 2012--make this one!!!
2. I make self-care a priority. My job is kinda tough. I deal with severe psychosis and mood disturbances (not just my own :) all day long 5 days a week and it will energetically wipe me out if I don't take care of myself. Once I'm wiped out, I become vulnerable to physical and mental illness. I can't let myself get to that point, so I take care of me by balancing time with friends with time for reflection and rest. I don't always get a good night's rest every night but I make it a priority to get better rest after a poor night's sleep so I don't get to the point that I'm running completely on empty. I ask people for help when I need it. I lean on my friends and other supports because I know I am worthy of it. I eat healthfully...usually :) I'm admittedly a little off track at the moment but I'm allowing myself to indulge a little--which is also part of self-care. I dance often--like, really often--wherever and whenever I can. I engage in other activities that feed my spirit like writing this blog as well as making art for myself, making art for others, baking, cooking, meditating, reading, playing games, walking, Facebook stalking (kidding about that last one...sort of. ha!)
3. I study study study!! I am a student of life but also an eternal academic. I have been doing so much studying lately. I have been devoted to learning more about how to leverage the Universe and how to become better connected to my inner guide and spirit by studying the teachings of Gabby Bernstein and Mike Dooley. It's great stuff--it's what kick-started me on this whirlwind transformation process. In January I plan to start A Course in Miracles as part of an intensive spiritual practice. In addition to all that goodness, I am finishing up post-graduate coursework at Hopkins in Clinical Community Counseling so I can get my license as a professional counselor soon! I have so many plans for my future with my career and I will never stop doing what it takes to get where I want to go next. And being a good therapist is important to me so I will keep studying to improve my skills. The work I'm doing personally that I mentioned before I have no doubt will help with that too.
4. I take breaks - I don't take breaks from listening to my inner voice and self-care but I do take breaks from work and study. Every couple of months, a perfectly-timed trip to Alabama to hang with my folks comes around. The timing really couldn't be better because it is always around the time of a trip I planned well in advance, that I become exhausted, burned out, and I start to shut down. So I go allow myself to be pampered by my ma and pa while I do absolutely nothing but stuff my face with my Mom's amazing meals and treats, watch the Military channel with my Dad, and wrestle with my Jack Russell, Tenzin. It is blissful. Those aren't the only times I take breaks though! I also give myself permission to melt into the couch after a particularly taxing day or for entire Sundays at times when I know I have very little left in me.
5. I am super social. I realize that this is not for everyone--because some people are introverts and some people are extraverts. Well, I have always been kind of on the fence between the two but in the past year or so I have fallen over the fence into Extravert's yard and it has been such a wonderful change. I am at a point now where I get energy from being around others. I'm not entirely sure how it happened--I think I just started building up slowly to having a pretty full social calendar and it's become so important to me. I feel like a person cannot grow in isolation. Sure we need time for healthy solitude--but it's possible for me to have too much of that. When I have too much time to myself, I get up in my head and bad things start to happen. When I make lots of connections with wonderful people, I flourish. In doing this, I have many opportunities to share my big bursty heart and to receive that wonderful love right back. I am able to have a positive impact on others and guess what? I get it right back! Whatever goodness I put out there--I just get it right back! I live for this exchange!!
Okay...that's about it. And I can tell you what has stifled my growth in the past is pretty much doing the exact opposite of everything I mentioned above.
Now your turn! I would love to hear from you--what do you do to keep on a steady path of flourishing?
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Monday, December 19, 2011
C'mon let's flourish!
So this cute little garden signage has been propped up on my upper kitchen counter against the wall ever since I inadvertently killed the plant it was sticking out of (ironic, huh?)....well, that was until earlier in the day yesterday when it just suddenly jumped off the counter at me--(I swear!!) So I took this sign as a sign that my blog theme for the week should be about this gorgeous word.
The word "flourish" is one of my absolute favey words. Not only does it sound beautiful but its multiple meanings are all so lovely. I looked up how Webster's defined it and this is what it had to say:
* To grow well or luxuriantly; thrive
* To prosper
* To be in a period of highest productivity, excellence, or influence
* To be at the peak of condition
* To be healthy
* To make impressive sweeping movements
I love it! This is wonderful preparation for the new year because doing what we need to do to really flourish should always be our aim going into a new year (or whenever we decide to rejuvenate our spirit for that matter!)
As I've mentioned previously I just recently started attending a metaphysical church service and yesterday's sermon was on performing a "Radical Re-start" in 2012, meaning that like all of our over-loaded, quirky technology we use, we sometimes need to be re-started to rid ourself of spiritual "programs" and "viruses" that no longer serve us. You know how when your computer has too many programs running, it tends to slow down and doesn't run as efficiently? Couldn't we say the same about our minds and bodies? In thinking about it in this way....How many programs do you have running at one time? What about those programs that freeze up on you that you have to "force quit" because they just keep you stuck? Which ones could you (would you/should you) shut down for good in order to free up some gigs in your mind and heart?
You may have come to believe that the more you've got going on, the more successful and happy you will be--and maybe that's true for a while. But burn-out is inevitable and eventually you have the sad Mac face staring you down. When you rid yourself of some of those unproductive tasks or tasks that completely deplete you of your energy and inner resources, you will be so much more available for thriving because you will finally have balance!
Just what are some of those superfluous tasks for you?--do you spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook? Is there a more efficient way of doing a particular work task or is there something that can be delegated? Do you watch hours of mind-numbing television each week? Do you insist on being the superhero in your family, rather than enlisting the help of your spouse and kids to get stuff done? Have you over-committed yourself to several different organizations you want to be a part of? Do you spend entirely too much time on your hair, make-up, and wardrobe in the morning? (uh oh...that's me!) Do you WASTE your time ruminating over things that have happened in the past or stress yourself out anticipating what might happen in the future? Do you WASTE your time feeding your ego's tiny mad ideas about yourself?
So what can you eliminate TODAY to start fresh?
..."Breathe and reboot." ~ Aiden, Sex and the City
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Showing Guilt Out the Back Door
Today I was considering how feeling guilty is really an extreme form of self-judgment. You are not practicing self-love when you are constantly beating yourself up about something--and think about, if you are feeling guilty about one thing, don't you easily find other things to feel guilty about too? The reason is that feeling guilty makes you a big open wound--you become hyper-sensitive and you start to misinterpret what other people are saying. Guilt breeds a feeling of insecurity and in that state you tend to twist people's words so what you choose to hear feels like an attack on you.
It's so easy at this point to act out of insecurity and make choices you wouldn't otherwise make. For instance, you are feeling guilty because you feel like you hurt someones feelings so your next step is to overcompensate by showering this person with compliments or even gifts or maybe you make yourself incredibly available to that person and would even shirk one of your other responsibilities to "make it up" to this person. But what does that really accomplish? Aren't you essentially knocking yourself down a peg from this person? Are you now setting up an expectation that this is how you are always going to be from this point forward? Does it make you look kinda ridiculous? And you go through all this STILL feel like crap at the end of the day, don't you?
The point is, actions based on guilty feelings are usually excessive, unnecessary, and not helpful! What helps is to know what is at the root of those guilty feelings, offer yourself forgiveness, and move on. Let's take a look at these steps, shall we?:
1. Get to the bottom of it
What's at the root of all guilty feelings? Feeling guilty means that you feel as though you have violated one of your own core values. Notice I keep saying "feelings of guilt" or "feeling guilty" and that I don't say "So, you are guilty of something and so..." My reason is guilt is highly subjective and individual because it is related to one's values. For instance, I may feel guilty about calling out sick from work when I'm not really sick because I value being a dependable and honest person. Another person may not feel guilty because maybe perhaps those values aren't as important to him. Or perhaps they are his values but he doesn't feel as though he is in violation of them because he can tell himself--"I deserve a mental health day and they'll be okay without me one day. I hardly ever take off work, so taking off one day doesn't make me any less reliable. When I'm there, I work my tail off!" Should that person in fact feel guilty? Well, it's not up to you decide that!! One of the worst things us human beings can do to one another is try to make another person feel guilty--it's so manipulative and ugly. Feelings of guilt come entirely from within a person--which is good news because--guess what? That means you have control over it! This brings me to my next step, once you have identified which core value you feel you violated.
2. Where do you go from here? It's YOUR choice!
I kind of like my example from the first step in which the second person justified the day off by making the point that taking this one day off doesn't really make him a dishonest or unreliable person. I guess one reason is that this is how I personally would feel about the situation and secondly it demonstrates a healthy way of responding to guilty feelings. If you think you have violated one of your core values, then you need to really examine if that is what really happened. Under closer examination, most times you will discover that you are just being overly critical of yourself for some reason. You will probably be able to find that if you simply reframe the situation in your mind that you didn't violate anything after all just like in my example. So the steps within this step are as follows:
1. Examine - did I really violate one of my core values?
2. Reframe - actually, if I look at it this way, I really didn't.
3. Write an affirmation that aligns with the value -
example -"I am a valuable, honest, and dependable person."
3. Movin' On
So, it's also your choice to decide how you are going to feel from this point forward. Feeling guilt isn't the primary emotion is it, now? Nope! Feeling sad and angry are usually the primary emotions. So now that you've cognitively moved yourself along through the feelings of guilt, are you going to continue to feel sad and/or angry? If you do then you are still fueling the guilty feelings--you're giving them the invitation to stick around. How constructive is ruminating, I ask you? It does NOTHING for us. Ruminating is something cows do to digest their food--it's not something us human beings should be doing. So, if you find yourself dwelling on the past (cuz, guess what--whatever you are feeling shitty about happened in the past and that's where it's going to stay) then you are missing out on the present! Go sit on your meditation cushion for a while and do a mindfulness practice--actively bring yourself back into the present and really commit to moving on.
Guilty feelings do serve a purpose though--they become our moral check and balance system. Maybe you really did violate one of your core values--well, as part of your movin' on process, you can still forgive yourself and then make a commitment that you will become cognizant of when you start going down that path again and make the effort not to make the same choice that resulted in the guilty feelings you just got over.
If you need any help with any of these steps, feel free to write me an email at brookereneebaker@gmail.com and I'd be happy to help you get to a better place with this. I have a ton of practice at it, myself. Be sure to make the subject heading of your email..."Forgive me, Brooke...for I have sinned"--KIDDING! HA!
Much love,
Sister Brooke
Thursday, December 15, 2011
A Non-judgment Meditation
Hi all! I wrote a meditation today that I wanted to share with you. It's a mindfulness practice with a focus on noticing your inner and outer experience without judgment. The following is the script for the meditation. You could either have someone read it to you OR you could go to youtube and have ME read it to you! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHzMPDgGpPs&feature=plcp&context=C3aa955aUDOEgsToPDskIG96VKZWAVNhh2vOhsut8H
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHzMPDgGpPs&feature=plcp&context=C3aa955aUDOEgsToPDskIG96VKZWAVNhh2vOhsut8H
Take a comfortable seat in a chair and plant both of your feet on the floor, feeling your connection to the Earth. Try to maintain an upright posture for the duration of the practice, without being rigid or tense in your back. Place your hands on your lap in whatever position is most comfortable for you. Open your mouth slightly, place your tongue to the roof of your mouth and breath in and out through your nose and mouth. Your breathing should be natural and relaxed. Your eyes are slightly open in a soft, quiet gaze. Your gaze will fall somewhere between 4-6 feet on the floor. And keep your chin parallel to the floor.
First begin by taking notice of your outer experience. Develop an awareness of your surroundings through all five of your senses. You may notice things in your visual field, but do not focus your eyes on anything in particular. Notice any sounds. If it is particularly noisy where you are right now, do not think of this as a distraction. This all becomes incorporated into your mindfulness practice. Notice without judgment. Notice the temperature of the room without labeling how it feels. Notice any smells, without judgment. Bring your awareness to the taste in your mouth right now, again without judging it. Just simply be aware of your surrounding environment for a few more moments. Adopt an attitude of appreciation for being where you are in this moment and the use of all your senses. Appreciate how they help you navigate through life on a daily basis. Appreciate how you are supported by your surroundings on a daily basis.
Bring your awareness to your breath, without changing it. Just simply notice how the air feels as it enters through your mouth and nostrils and how it feels when it exits your mouth and nostrils. Notice how your chest rises when you inhale and then falls on the exhale. Notice the subtle sound your breath makes, without judging it. Take a few more moments to be with your breath. Adopt an attitude of appreciation for your lungs and the clean air that you breathe.
Now mentally scan your body from the crown of your head to your toes and notice any physical sensations in your body. If you notice an area of discomfort, just bring your awareness into that part of your body without judging it. Don’t even try to label the dis-ease, just notice it and stay with this part or parts of the body for a few moments. If you have any thoughts about this discomfort, such as “if only I didn’t do so many pushups yesterday, my arms wouldn’t hurt so bad” or “my back probably wouldn’t hurt if I was being more active”—simply show those thoughts gently out the back door of your mind and return to witnessing the body for a few moments more. Adopt an attitude of appreciation for being able to feel physical sensations. Appreciate your ability to be mobile but also to have moments of stillness and rest.
Take a few moments now to witness your mind, without judgment. Remain as present as possible as you notice your thoughts. When a thought arises simply let it go for now. Do not entertain it, however juicy the thought may be…just gently show those thoughts the back door and return to the present moment. Do not label thoughts as good or bad. Spend a few more moments witnessing your mind. Adopt an attitude of appreciation for your ability to be creative, to think clearly, to conceptualize, to abstract, to dream.
Continue to cultivate a sense of mindfulness by remaining very present for at least 5 more minutes.
Perhaps you will want to sit and witness your surroundings, body, and mind for longer. Just remember to notice without judgment and adopt an attitude of appreciation for being who you are, where you are, in this moment.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The Self-Love Alarm Clock
Today's blog post came so super easy to me! I don't think I mentioned in yesterday's post that my theme for the week is practicing non-judgment. So, what's the opposite of non-judgment? If you answered LOVE then you get a gold star! Love, compassion, fearlessness, selflessness, kindness, gentleness...yep, all these things.
This morning I was in the middle of leading a compassion meditation practice with a therapy group at work when a client's watch alarm went off...yet again. In fact, it has been going off every 12 minutes for weeks! None of us can figure out how to shut that thing off! But it suddenly occurred to me in the middle of that meditation that we could use this watch alarm to our advantage and see it not as an irritation but rather as a lovely serendipitous event! Alarms, after all, are designed to remind us of something important...right?
So, the important thing for us to remember every 12 minutes we are at the day program is to practice self-love in that moment and say a positive affirmation--whether it was simply "I love myself" or "I am worthy" or "I am deserving of love like everyone else" or "I am awesome!" Every 12 minutes I am in a group with that particular client, we stop whatever we're doing to practice self-love for a moment and then return to whatever we were doing. I told the client--who apologizes profusely about the alarm--that actually I was very grateful for it and that he should apologize no more.
You can do this too! You have so many means of setting up reminders--through email, your phone, your microwave, an old-fashioned egg timer, your alarm clock--whatever means you decide to use, set up your self-love alarm clock today! Set it for whatever interval would be meaningful to you. Maybe it's every hour on the hour or every 3 hours. Maybe it's twice a day. If you are in a great deal of emotional pain right now, make it every 2 minutes! Don't hesitate--it feels amazing to give yourself love and you are always available to do it!
So what are your affirmations and what's your alarm interval? I wanna know!
DING DING DING! TIME FOR SOME LOVIN'!!
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Monday, December 12, 2011
Our Self-Created Piles Of Poo
Forgive me for my brief absence from writing. I was side-tracked by fun, a bunch of obligations, and well...a lack of inspiration. But the Universe gave me a kick in the pants, and voila-- inspiration for tonight's blog entry.
So I have a question--Who else has had this experience?:
You make a mistake (whether it be something you said that hurt someone's feelings or you forgot to do something you said you would do or maybe you spoiled your healthy eating habits by overindulging yet again.) and before you know it, you spiral out of control into a series of debilitating, self-deprecating thoughts? AND before you know it, you are suddenly this horrible person that can do no right?!
So, I had this experience just yesterday. Fortunately, it's been a while since I've attacked myself in this way. I've come a long way from having a habitual practice of cognitively distorting every single experience in life. That is a terrible way to live, by the way.
I won't go into details about what happened but I will try to explain to you where my mind went afterwards. So, it began with the tiny mistake, which I made out to be one gigantic unforgivable mistake (cognitive distortion: magnification), which turned into the first words out of my mouth "I'm an asshole." (cognitive distortion: labeling) I quickly forgot about the spiritual enlightenment I received earlier that day, and how I nurtured two of my best girlfriends over the weekend and how much fun and bursting with love I have been recently. (cognitive distortion: discounting the positives) I assumed that other people must think I'm horrible--on what grounds? couldn't tell ya...but I assumed people must think that. (cognitive distortion: mind-reading) And then one negative thought led to another until I was certain that I have been delusional this whole time thinking things in my life were going swimmingly (cognitive distortion: over-generalization--viewing the negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat)
Sound neurotic? uh...it is! It is really hard to admit that my mind can be so wild and untamed and attacking. But on Friday afternoon I had the good fortune of speaking with the wonderful author and spiritual guru, Gabby Bernstein on the phone. I asked her what her advice would be for someone who would want to have a similar career as hers and her response was "Just share your truth." So, that's what I'm doing here...trying to help others by being candid and sharing my insight.
So, now for the insight...
It's great to be aware of the evil-doings of your ego...but knowing what to do next is especially prudent. You certainly can't let those self-deprecating thoughts drag you down into a bottomless abyss of self-hatred (I've been there and it's hella hard to get back out!) This is what I do--I write down all those thoughts that come up and then counter each one of them with fact-based statements until the neurotic thought makes no sense and I can't possibly put stock in it. Then I finish it off with an affirmation. Here's an example:
Poopy thought: I said something that hurt my friend's feelings. I am an utter asshole.
Facts: Is what I did all that bad? Not really and a good friend is understanding and forgiving.
Affirmation: I am a valued friend. My friends have confidence and trust in me and love me very much.
I just continue to do this with the barrage of poopy thoughts that ensue after the initial one because inevitibly that's what happens most of the time.
Now I'd like to hear from you:
* What's your experience with this?
* What steps do you take to dig yourself out of this pile of
poo you've buried yourself in when it happens?
And yet you still come out smelling like roses....thanks for sharing! :)
xoxoxo,
Brooke
So I have a question--Who else has had this experience?:
You make a mistake (whether it be something you said that hurt someone's feelings or you forgot to do something you said you would do or maybe you spoiled your healthy eating habits by overindulging yet again.) and before you know it, you spiral out of control into a series of debilitating, self-deprecating thoughts? AND before you know it, you are suddenly this horrible person that can do no right?!
So, I had this experience just yesterday. Fortunately, it's been a while since I've attacked myself in this way. I've come a long way from having a habitual practice of cognitively distorting every single experience in life. That is a terrible way to live, by the way.
I won't go into details about what happened but I will try to explain to you where my mind went afterwards. So, it began with the tiny mistake, which I made out to be one gigantic unforgivable mistake (cognitive distortion: magnification), which turned into the first words out of my mouth "I'm an asshole." (cognitive distortion: labeling) I quickly forgot about the spiritual enlightenment I received earlier that day, and how I nurtured two of my best girlfriends over the weekend and how much fun and bursting with love I have been recently. (cognitive distortion: discounting the positives) I assumed that other people must think I'm horrible--on what grounds? couldn't tell ya...but I assumed people must think that. (cognitive distortion: mind-reading) And then one negative thought led to another until I was certain that I have been delusional this whole time thinking things in my life were going swimmingly (cognitive distortion: over-generalization--viewing the negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat)
Sound neurotic? uh...it is! It is really hard to admit that my mind can be so wild and untamed and attacking. But on Friday afternoon I had the good fortune of speaking with the wonderful author and spiritual guru, Gabby Bernstein on the phone. I asked her what her advice would be for someone who would want to have a similar career as hers and her response was "Just share your truth." So, that's what I'm doing here...trying to help others by being candid and sharing my insight.
So, now for the insight...
It's great to be aware of the evil-doings of your ego...but knowing what to do next is especially prudent. You certainly can't let those self-deprecating thoughts drag you down into a bottomless abyss of self-hatred (I've been there and it's hella hard to get back out!) This is what I do--I write down all those thoughts that come up and then counter each one of them with fact-based statements until the neurotic thought makes no sense and I can't possibly put stock in it. Then I finish it off with an affirmation. Here's an example:
Poopy thought: I said something that hurt my friend's feelings. I am an utter asshole.
Facts: Is what I did all that bad? Not really and a good friend is understanding and forgiving.
Affirmation: I am a valued friend. My friends have confidence and trust in me and love me very much.
I just continue to do this with the barrage of poopy thoughts that ensue after the initial one because inevitibly that's what happens most of the time.
Now I'd like to hear from you:
* What's your experience with this?
* What steps do you take to dig yourself out of this pile of
poo you've buried yourself in when it happens?
And yet you still come out smelling like roses....thanks for sharing! :)
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Brooke Baker's Dating Guidelines
So these are not guidelines on how to "play the game" but rather they are on how to stay happy, hopeful, and healthy while you "out there" in the dating world. Dating can be kinda rough. It can be disorienting, traumatizing, and de-stabilizing. But above all else it is also hopefully really fun and you learn a ton about yourself along the way.
I decided to write these little words of advice because I think I have pretty good experience in this area and I think I have a pretty good handle on how to take care of myself while also juggling all these balls in the air at the same time (what I mean by this is managing dating, work, friends, interests....what did you think I meant??)
Perhaps you have just decided to put yourself out there for the first time in a long time or maybe you have been single for a long time and totally fed up with the dating scene because it has produced less than satisfactory results for you. Either way, you probably have the same anxieties that most other people have when it comes to dating--and you might even have been on a handful of crappy dates and are starting to lose hope that there's someone out there for you. (need I remind you that there most definitely IS?!!) Maybe when you are so wrapped up in dating you start losing who you are and neglecting your health, friends, work, and other things that are important to you. If so, you need to keep reading.
***If you just broke up with someone--like, JUST broke up with someone...do the first 7 while dating only yourself for a WHILE...ESPECIALLY if your M.O. is to get right back into another relationship---this is a whole other blog topic..maybe tomorrow's.
I decided to write these little words of advice because I think I have pretty good experience in this area and I think I have a pretty good handle on how to take care of myself while also juggling all these balls in the air at the same time (what I mean by this is managing dating, work, friends, interests....what did you think I meant??)
Perhaps you have just decided to put yourself out there for the first time in a long time or maybe you have been single for a long time and totally fed up with the dating scene because it has produced less than satisfactory results for you. Either way, you probably have the same anxieties that most other people have when it comes to dating--and you might even have been on a handful of crappy dates and are starting to lose hope that there's someone out there for you. (need I remind you that there most definitely IS?!!) Maybe when you are so wrapped up in dating you start losing who you are and neglecting your health, friends, work, and other things that are important to you. If so, you need to keep reading.
***If you just broke up with someone--like, JUST broke up with someone...do the first 7 while dating only yourself for a WHILE...ESPECIALLY if your M.O. is to get right back into another relationship---this is a whole other blog topic..maybe tomorrow's.
- Be yourself - I think this goes without saying, but absolutely be authentically who you are...ALL the time...not just when you are out on dates. If you find you are different people TO different people, that might be something you should explore before going out on any dates--cuz there's probably some self-esteem stuff that needs to be worked out first. And don't you hate it when you are very happily dating someone for a couple months only to have this totally new person that is far less pleasant emerge?--I know I do!!! So, don't be that person to someone else. It feels better when you are yourself anyways.
- Don't forget about your interests or friends - Don't compromise what you would normally be interested in doing for dates. Keep a full schedule--make dinner dates with friends, take a Sushi-making class, attend a lecture, a dance class, paint, read, write your blog, volunteer, go to church...whatever it is that makes you happy--keep doing it! Don't lose yourself! This will also prevent you from investing too much energy in someone right off the bat--thinking about someone and spending a shit ton of time with someone in the beginning is just never a good practice.
- Think positive - staying positive is so important. If you go out on dates and you are feeling negatively about yourself, about dating, about your life...it's going to come across and it ain't gonna be pretty.
- Visualize - Take some time daily--5 minutes will do--to imagine what it's going to be like with your one true love...sure you won't be able to picture the actual person but those details aren't important. What is important is to conjure up the FEELINGS you will have when you are there--refer to yesterdays blog for this! Thoughts become things!!
- But...don't daydream at work - whatever you do, don't focus on your love life when you are at work. The quality of your work will be compromised and you can't afford this kind of risk in this current job market.
- Exercise, eat right, and limit alcohol - it is so easy to let your physical health go downhill when you are dating because when you are making time for dates you have less time for exercise. Not to mention when you are out on dates you eat whatever and drink whatever (hopefully not too excessively. If you are, this is also a whole other blog topic.) Make sure you are sticking to a healthy regimen as closely as possible--this includes getting adequate sleep. This bulletpoint tends to be hardest for me.
- Get crystal clear on what your wants, needs, and non-negotiables are - this one is so important--and you figure this out more and more the more you go out on dates. But if you are not dating right now because you are not healed enough from the last relationship you were in--you need to spend some time exploring these things. You need to spend time reflecting on your past relationships--what worked, what didn't work, what you absolutely cannot tolerate, what you liked about yourself in the relationship--and then write an exhaustive list. Keep this list in mind but don't be too rigid with it when you start dating. and also don't toss this list out the window when you start to really like someone. When we have electric chemistry with someone sometimes our tendency is to see right past the red flags--keep a level head, and refer often back to your list to make sure you aren't putting the blinders on.
- Limit the energy and time put into online dating sites - if you are doing eharmony, OkCupid, Match, or any number of dating websites-- put a time limit each day on how much you visit these sites. It can be really easy to get sucked in and spend an inordinate amount of time on these sites but then you end up neglecting other things that are important when you do this. Also, don't check it at work and don't download the iphone app for the site--really commit to only checking in once a day--at the end of the day for about a half-hour to an hour --tops. That's it! I mean it!
- Remember that there's no such thing as rejection, only wrong fit - I am borrowing from Kathryn Alice's book, Love Will Find You, again. Love this book. This message was completely life-altering for me. When you go out with someone and the person ends up saying--"I had a nice time with you but I don't think we should go out again"--it's not rejection, it's just not the right fit! The right fit for you won't have these feelings. Same with long-term relationships that didn't work out for whatever reason--it was just the wrong fit. I won't go into this anymore here--perhaps this is yet another future blog topic to explore. Just, please don't be blown by every wind--never compromise your self-worth over how a stranger responded to you. You got me??
- If you like someone, chill out!!! - OMG--I can't say enough how important it is to just relax and let the relationship unfold at an easy pace if you really like someone. Don't harass them with texts, emails, and Facebook wall posts and don't express an urgency to see him/her again soon. I have a rule about not asking someone out on the next date at the end of a date--(even if I know I want it to happen.) Because you are not being PRESENT when you do this. Stop future-tripping (nod to Gabby Bernstein) and just live in the moment. Don't get attached to any kind of future with this person even if it's just the next date. Not to mention, you can really inadvertently push people away by being too eager. Sounds like playing a game right? Nah...it's just how it is.
- Date more than one person at a time - not only is this fun as heck--but it keeps you from becoming too invested in any one person. This doesn't mean have a date lined up for every day of the week (I know someone who did this and couldn't keep people straight...he identified them by their key interests--"Kayak" was Monday night's date, for instance. Wouldn't recommend it.) AND I don't recommend getting physically intimate with more than one person at a time--that's just not safe. What I mean, is while you are figuring out if you like a person enough to go out on a third or fourth date, don't close any doors on any potential matches.
- Keep an open mind - So you may end up meeting someone in person that you are attracted to but you are not so sure about the intellectual connection or someone looks good on paper on eharmony but you're not so sure about the in-person chemistry...well, I say if there's enough there on any level, give it a go! You never know! I've been doing this to make sure I'm not limiting myself. If you looked at latest batch of guys I've gone out with you wouldn't be able to pin me to a type whatsoever. Actually, that might be true of my whole dating history! and yet I'm still single...hmmm. Maybe I need to find myself a type? LOL.
- Don't let people treat you like crap - I can write this very succinctly...if someone acts like a douche towards you (pardon my language) don't go back out with him. PERIOD. You deserve to be treated with the upmost respect and care.
OMG...that was a lot. I hope you don't feel overwhelmed! I just hope I didn't leave anything off! If I did, I promise to come back in and update the list and keep you informed of any changes.
Happy dating--everyone--the most important thing is to keep your integrity, health, and self-worth in tact and have a lot of fun. And take a break from time to time when needed!
XOXOXO,
Brooke
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Aligning My Beliefs About Love
I'm borrowing from Mike Dooley, author of Leveraging the Universe: 7 Steps to Engaging Life's Magic for today's blog post. The chapter the Universe led me to today was on the 5th Step "aligning your beliefs." In that chapter he gives some wonderful instructions on how to live your life today as though your dreams have already been actualized. He proposes that by behaving as though our beliefs about our dreams have been realized, they will actually become ours. In turn, we squash any beliefs we have that are limiting.
Cool...let's do this. So, since my week is focused on romantic love and dating, I will align my beliefs in this area. Here goes:
1. I'm worthy and deserving of this wonderful romantic partner.
2. I exude so much love, which only draws this person closer to me.
3. I have so much to offer this romantic partner.
4. I'm not going to end up settling for the wrong person.
5. The more I think positively about this partner, the greater our love and the
stronger our relationship will be.
6. The Universe only wants happiness for me.
Oh goody! Another suggestion Mike Dooley makes is to take it a step further and "install the beliefs." One way he recommends doing this is to not perpetuate any issues you're having in this area of your life by talking negatively about it with others. For instance, if I were to tearfully complain to my friends and therapist incessantly about how "I'm never going to find the right man for me" or something about how "he must not exist" or "whoa-is-me, eharmony keeps matching me with all these duds"...then I'm just going to attract more of that wrong stuff! The Universe will get the message that if that's what I'm putting my energy into, then that must be what I want! NOOOOOOO!
Another suggestion he makes is to openly invite all opportunities that bring you closer to what it is you want and what gets you more comfortable having what it is you want. So, for me that means I need to keep dating. I admittedly am getting a little burned out on eharmony (not that I've been out on that many dates) but it's a lot of sifting through potential matches, which can be a lot of work. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I need to keep taking the risk that I'm spending a lot of my time and energy going out with date after date of potentially wrong matches to increase my potential of meeting the right one! Not to mention, whenever I'm active on eharmony, I end up meeting people the old-fashioned way. See! It's true--when you put your energy into something, you are going to attract more of it!
And if nothing else, it's good practice getting me more and more comfortable with spending time with a romantic partner. I need this because I am getting waaaaay to comfortable with my single life and being perfectly satisfied with the immense love I share with my friends and family. I think I'm getting dangerously close to being so satisfied in this place that I potentialy stop actively pursuing romantic love altogether. Can't be doing that!
Not ready to be a nun...not yet. :-p
What are your beliefs about romantic love? Please share! No limiting beliefs, please!
Much love,
xoxoxo
Brooke
Cool...let's do this. So, since my week is focused on romantic love and dating, I will align my beliefs in this area. Here goes:
1. I'm worthy and deserving of this wonderful romantic partner.
2. I exude so much love, which only draws this person closer to me.
3. I have so much to offer this romantic partner.
4. I'm not going to end up settling for the wrong person.
5. The more I think positively about this partner, the greater our love and the
stronger our relationship will be.
6. The Universe only wants happiness for me.
Oh goody! Another suggestion Mike Dooley makes is to take it a step further and "install the beliefs." One way he recommends doing this is to not perpetuate any issues you're having in this area of your life by talking negatively about it with others. For instance, if I were to tearfully complain to my friends and therapist incessantly about how "I'm never going to find the right man for me" or something about how "he must not exist" or "whoa-is-me, eharmony keeps matching me with all these duds"...then I'm just going to attract more of that wrong stuff! The Universe will get the message that if that's what I'm putting my energy into, then that must be what I want! NOOOOOOO!
Another suggestion he makes is to openly invite all opportunities that bring you closer to what it is you want and what gets you more comfortable having what it is you want. So, for me that means I need to keep dating. I admittedly am getting a little burned out on eharmony (not that I've been out on that many dates) but it's a lot of sifting through potential matches, which can be a lot of work. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I need to keep taking the risk that I'm spending a lot of my time and energy going out with date after date of potentially wrong matches to increase my potential of meeting the right one! Not to mention, whenever I'm active on eharmony, I end up meeting people the old-fashioned way. See! It's true--when you put your energy into something, you are going to attract more of it!
And if nothing else, it's good practice getting me more and more comfortable with spending time with a romantic partner. I need this because I am getting waaaaay to comfortable with my single life and being perfectly satisfied with the immense love I share with my friends and family. I think I'm getting dangerously close to being so satisfied in this place that I potentialy stop actively pursuing romantic love altogether. Can't be doing that!
Not ready to be a nun...not yet. :-p
What are your beliefs about romantic love? Please share! No limiting beliefs, please!
Much love,
xoxoxo
Brooke
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Releasing Past Loves
The meditation that found me today was focused on releasing past loves. Most past loves are easy for me to release because I can so clearly see now why they weren't appropriate for me. However, I have this one--the most recent guy I dated that admittedly still has me a little screwed up. I know that I'm not quite over this because of several glaring signs:
1. I feel angry when I think about him,
2. I can't bare the thought of him being with someone else
3. I still say to myself, "if only he was..."
4. I compare him to the people I go out on dates with now and
they usually don't measure up.
I think my friends might be surprised to hear me say that I'm still hung up on this person because I rarely, if ever, mention him--if I do it's usually to provide a frame of reference when talking with someone else who is struggling with relationship stuff. I don't actually own up to my own stuckness with this person--oof, this sounds an awful lot like denial. I just don't want to admit that I am still having issues with someone I dated for just a short amount of time.
The reason I have so much trouble with it though is because there was such incredible chemistry between us. We met doing something I love--karaoke. He was drawn to me as I was being completely myself and so initially I felt very secure in the relationship. There were so many things we had in common--we are both pescatarians, work in a helping field, and have a very similar sense of humor. He was super romantic and spontaneous--making for a really magical summer. I admired him and saw potential in our future--but unfortunately he was completely unavailable (which he was open about from the beginning) and so it was not going to last. What I came to realize was this person is just not the right fit (thank you, Kathryn Alice for enlightening me on this concept in your book, "Love Will Find You." Excellent read.)
Even though I have no interest in getting back together with this person, I have obviously not let this person go completely and the danger in that is that my heart isn't fully open to receiving a new love--having even the littlest part of me harboring resentment towards this person closes me off. So I have to let go of these resentments and really truly move on and so I can be fully available. So my process of releasing in a formal sitting practice goes as follows:
1. While holding an image of this person in my mind, I sit with
any and all emotions that arise.
2. I release him by saying to myself that I am no longer feeling
resentment or anger on my in-breath
3. On the out-breath, I wish him all the best in his search for love
and happiness.
This will be a constant practice until the four feelings I mentioned above have diminished. But what I definitely appreciate about the relationship is that in the moment it was such great fun and I was really present at the time it was happening. I reminded myself constantly when we were together not to get attached to the outcome of the relationship but just to be in the moment because it was such wonderful times.
What I also am grateful for is what the relationship taught me. As Gabby Bernstein says "relationships are assignments" meaning no one comes into our life by accident and no relationship is ever a waste of our time and energy. With each relationship, and particularly with this one, I learn more and more about who I am, what my needs and wants are, and what my non-negotiables are. I definitely learned that it's not tolerable for me to be with someone who is unavailable, self-absorbed, or has difficultly dealing with stress. I also learned that I don't want to be with someone who is judgmental. The relationship reinforced how important electric chemistry is to me and that there is definitely more than one person out there that I'm going to have that with. I am hopeful that person--dare I say soulmate?--is out there and just as excited to start a life with me as I am with them. Perhaps that guy is on a path towards meeting me someday really soon--or maybe it will be in the slightly distant future...or maybe we've already met? Who knows?! Exciting, right?
I RELEASE PAST LOVES SO THAT I CAN HAVE SOMETHING BETTER!
Do you have someone you have difficulty releasing? What's your process of letting go?
Namaste and much love!
Brooke
1. I feel angry when I think about him,
2. I can't bare the thought of him being with someone else
3. I still say to myself, "if only he was..."
4. I compare him to the people I go out on dates with now and
they usually don't measure up.
I think my friends might be surprised to hear me say that I'm still hung up on this person because I rarely, if ever, mention him--if I do it's usually to provide a frame of reference when talking with someone else who is struggling with relationship stuff. I don't actually own up to my own stuckness with this person--oof, this sounds an awful lot like denial. I just don't want to admit that I am still having issues with someone I dated for just a short amount of time.
The reason I have so much trouble with it though is because there was such incredible chemistry between us. We met doing something I love--karaoke. He was drawn to me as I was being completely myself and so initially I felt very secure in the relationship. There were so many things we had in common--we are both pescatarians, work in a helping field, and have a very similar sense of humor. He was super romantic and spontaneous--making for a really magical summer. I admired him and saw potential in our future--but unfortunately he was completely unavailable (which he was open about from the beginning) and so it was not going to last. What I came to realize was this person is just not the right fit (thank you, Kathryn Alice for enlightening me on this concept in your book, "Love Will Find You." Excellent read.)
Even though I have no interest in getting back together with this person, I have obviously not let this person go completely and the danger in that is that my heart isn't fully open to receiving a new love--having even the littlest part of me harboring resentment towards this person closes me off. So I have to let go of these resentments and really truly move on and so I can be fully available. So my process of releasing in a formal sitting practice goes as follows:
1. While holding an image of this person in my mind, I sit with
any and all emotions that arise.
2. I release him by saying to myself that I am no longer feeling
resentment or anger on my in-breath
3. On the out-breath, I wish him all the best in his search for love
and happiness.
This will be a constant practice until the four feelings I mentioned above have diminished. But what I definitely appreciate about the relationship is that in the moment it was such great fun and I was really present at the time it was happening. I reminded myself constantly when we were together not to get attached to the outcome of the relationship but just to be in the moment because it was such wonderful times.
What I also am grateful for is what the relationship taught me. As Gabby Bernstein says "relationships are assignments" meaning no one comes into our life by accident and no relationship is ever a waste of our time and energy. With each relationship, and particularly with this one, I learn more and more about who I am, what my needs and wants are, and what my non-negotiables are. I definitely learned that it's not tolerable for me to be with someone who is unavailable, self-absorbed, or has difficultly dealing with stress. I also learned that I don't want to be with someone who is judgmental. The relationship reinforced how important electric chemistry is to me and that there is definitely more than one person out there that I'm going to have that with. I am hopeful that person--dare I say soulmate?--is out there and just as excited to start a life with me as I am with them. Perhaps that guy is on a path towards meeting me someday really soon--or maybe it will be in the slightly distant future...or maybe we've already met? Who knows?! Exciting, right?
I RELEASE PAST LOVES SO THAT I CAN HAVE SOMETHING BETTER!
Do you have someone you have difficulty releasing? What's your process of letting go?
Namaste and much love!
Brooke
Monday, December 5, 2011
Correcting Tiny Mad Ideas about Dating
My focus this week is on the joy of dating. Even in just plain text, it seems even to myself like I'm being facetious but I'm really not! I think dating is extremely fun and exciting--for real! I have plenty of people around me that would beg to differ. I am in a place in my life where I am actively dating and I'm enjoying every minute of it!--even when I know within the first 30 seconds of meeting my date that it's not going anywhere (okay--clearly I've just outted myself as an eharmony user.)
The reason I enjoy it so much is that I love connecting with people and I swear I can have a meaningful connection with anyone at all. I don't get nervous and I don't have trouble relating to someone on some level---that is, nowadays! I wasn't always like this--this is a point at which I have arrived after some serious work. These days when I'm out on a date, I feel comfortable and confident in who I am--I leave feeling like "wow, I would date myself!" And so I pretty consistently end the night feeling happy with the experience and happy to have spent time and shared a good meal with a nice person.
But then there's the trauma that occurs when I finally meet someone I DO want to go out with again! Oh how all my self-assuredness and security go out the window and full-blown neurosis settles in for a spell. I worked on this a little tonight after having gone out on a date with someone over the weekend that I have an interest in seeing again. In case you don't already know, I am a big fan of author and lifestyle guru, Gabrielle Berstein. I am using her guided meditations from her "Medi-dating" CD to help me work through some of my mental manure around dating.
I'm working on the illusions (or delusions) I have about dating--what she refers to as Tiny Mad Ideas (which I think is borrowed from "A Course in Miracles") I have plenty of them--this evening I conjured them up, breathed into my body the place where I feel discomfort when I think about them, and then went a step further by releasing them. I released them by reframing the illusion, thereby altering those faulty cognitions I have about dating. My hope is that I will really transform my thought process to a point where those tiny mad ideas don't surface anymore--I imagine that it's going to take some time and conscious effort initially though.
Now-- I'm going to get vulnerable here and give a couple of examples so you know what I mean in case you are interested in trying this for yourself. This is not easy, since I feel a bit embarrassed to have these thoughts and feelings. Okay, here goes...
Tiny mad idea #1: If I express myself openly, he will reject me and think I'm neurotic. He will leave me.
The correction: The RIGHT person for me will be open and receptive to what I say. He will honor, respect, and validate my feelings. He will treat me with compassion and it will only bring us closer together.
Tiny mad idea #2: I need him to be calling or texting often. If I don't hear from him, it means he isn't thinking about me or is losing interest or simply doesn't care about me.
The correction: People have lives! And he may not be able to call or text because he is busy OR maybe he doesn't want to feel like he's harassing me or being intrusive. and it doesn't mean he isn't thinking about me. He will call as soon as he has the opportunity.
Phew...I feel like a big open wound! But it felt good to share my truth! I have TEN more of these tiny mad ideas I wrote down and reframed this evening and boy did it feel amazing! I suggest you try it too! You can do this with any illusions you have--not just ones about dating.
I'm ready now to chill out and be cool while I do this whole dating thing--correcting tiny mad ideas will be my practice this week.
Wanna share some of your TMI's? (Not "too much information" but "tiny mad ideas" :-p) I would be honored to hear about them!
Namaste,
Brooke
The reason I enjoy it so much is that I love connecting with people and I swear I can have a meaningful connection with anyone at all. I don't get nervous and I don't have trouble relating to someone on some level---that is, nowadays! I wasn't always like this--this is a point at which I have arrived after some serious work. These days when I'm out on a date, I feel comfortable and confident in who I am--I leave feeling like "wow, I would date myself!" And so I pretty consistently end the night feeling happy with the experience and happy to have spent time and shared a good meal with a nice person.
But then there's the trauma that occurs when I finally meet someone I DO want to go out with again! Oh how all my self-assuredness and security go out the window and full-blown neurosis settles in for a spell. I worked on this a little tonight after having gone out on a date with someone over the weekend that I have an interest in seeing again. In case you don't already know, I am a big fan of author and lifestyle guru, Gabrielle Berstein. I am using her guided meditations from her "Medi-dating" CD to help me work through some of my mental manure around dating.
I'm working on the illusions (or delusions) I have about dating--what she refers to as Tiny Mad Ideas (which I think is borrowed from "A Course in Miracles") I have plenty of them--this evening I conjured them up, breathed into my body the place where I feel discomfort when I think about them, and then went a step further by releasing them. I released them by reframing the illusion, thereby altering those faulty cognitions I have about dating. My hope is that I will really transform my thought process to a point where those tiny mad ideas don't surface anymore--I imagine that it's going to take some time and conscious effort initially though.
Now-- I'm going to get vulnerable here and give a couple of examples so you know what I mean in case you are interested in trying this for yourself. This is not easy, since I feel a bit embarrassed to have these thoughts and feelings. Okay, here goes...
Tiny mad idea #1: If I express myself openly, he will reject me and think I'm neurotic. He will leave me.
The correction: The RIGHT person for me will be open and receptive to what I say. He will honor, respect, and validate my feelings. He will treat me with compassion and it will only bring us closer together.
Tiny mad idea #2: I need him to be calling or texting often. If I don't hear from him, it means he isn't thinking about me or is losing interest or simply doesn't care about me.
The correction: People have lives! And he may not be able to call or text because he is busy OR maybe he doesn't want to feel like he's harassing me or being intrusive. and it doesn't mean he isn't thinking about me. He will call as soon as he has the opportunity.
Phew...I feel like a big open wound! But it felt good to share my truth! I have TEN more of these tiny mad ideas I wrote down and reframed this evening and boy did it feel amazing! I suggest you try it too! You can do this with any illusions you have--not just ones about dating.
I'm ready now to chill out and be cool while I do this whole dating thing--correcting tiny mad ideas will be my practice this week.
Wanna share some of your TMI's? (Not "too much information" but "tiny mad ideas" :-p) I would be honored to hear about them!
Namaste,
Brooke
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Connecting With Spirit
I have arrived at the seventh and final chakra--the Crown Chakra. This chakra is associated with our spiritual connection. I finished off my 7-day chakra-balancing yoga experience with a powerful headstand preparation practice. I finished the session in the full headstand posture in the hopes of expanding my consciousness and being open to receiving divine messages today.
I wanted to make sure I had an open and receiving demeanor because for the first time in twenty years, I decided to attend church! I had been entertaining doing this for about a week now after discussing the possibility of finding a "new thought" church with my therapist. She initiated the discussion and being very open to what she suggests, I decided to give it a try. I was on the fence about going until yesterday when my decision was clinched by a "divine" sign from the Universe. I was looking for parking in Dupont Circle, which is usually a nightmare-- and after driving around for about 10 minutes I allowed my intuition to guide me down a little road that looked like an alley --and low and behold I found a spot that fit my car like a glove. As I walked down the street I glanced back at the road sign so I would know how to find my car again and the street sign read "Church Street." An actual literal SIGN!
So, I decided to go to a little local interfaith church this morning. I wasn't nervous. I had no reservations, which I usually do when trying something new. I just felt open and enthusiastic. The sermon was about self-worth, which is ironic since I just started a herfuture.com group focused on cultivating self-love. The pastor was very energetic and humorous. The delivery of his powerful message was captivating. I appreciated the inclusion of all different faiths from an Islamic prayer to an African drummer to a reading from the Book of Maccabees. I was especially moved by the live music performed by a violinist and pianist all throughout the service. I was touched by the warmth I received from the attendees and the pastor and their encouragement for me to return. It felt like I was a part of their loving fellowship already. I'm not necessarily going to become a member of this church right away, but it really helped open me up to the possibility of having this be a part of my spiritual practice again. My plan is to go visit other spiritual centers to see if I find one that feels just right.
A funny thing happened when I returned to my car after the service. I totally broke down sobbing out of nowhere! I had suddenly become so overwhelmed with emotion and it was just pouring out. I still don't quite know what to make of that but I believe that I had really been opened up and perhaps this was the manifestation of the immense joy I was feeling or maybe there were some repressed feelings that needed to come out. I'm not sure--but it completely energetically wiped me out. I was already running on little sleep from the night before so that just did me in. I slept for a couple hours this afternoon and I am still wondering how I mustered the energy and brain power to write this blog tonight.
The artwork for this chakra is an image of an open and receiving lotus flower. I love the symbolism of a lotus flower because it is this beautiful bloom that grows right out of the muck. It flourishes despite the yuckiness that surrounds it. How true is that for all of us resilient human beings?! What's interesting is that this image is the only image so far that is really similar to the image I created four years ago:
Maybe this speaks to the fact that my spirituality and receptivity to divine messages is always present regardless of what I'm going through. I think I remember feeling that way at the time I painted the last lotus. I think I was confident that even though I was in a pretty low place, some part of me trusted that I would emerge from it and blossom again....and hey, guess what?--I did. I think the best divine message I received today (which, came from that little guide from within) was "Hey Brooke...go ahead and trust." I think I've been fearful of trusting in the past because what if I trusted and things didn't turn out the way I hoped? Then I would be disappointed and hurt and my trust would be compromised. But the thing is...things do turn out how we hope, it just is sometime a convoluted path to arriving there! There is no harm in trusting...if nothing else, it feels a heck of a lot better than waiting for the other shoe to drop or worse--deciding that you are doomed.
Okay now, YOUR TURN!
What does the image of a lotus flower look like for you? Is it closed up in such a tight bud that it cannot receive anything? Are its petals opened up so much that it leaves you feeling confused, addicted, or disconnected? Or are the petals in an open just right and in a receptive manner?
Characteristics of a balanced Crown Chakra are:
* a healthy spiritual connection
* wisdom
* open-mindedness
* receptivity
* ability to question
ACTIONS: Search for meaning and examine your beliefs
Create a special alter in your home for worship
Develop a spiritual practice that is not necessarily religious
in nature but more importantly, works for you.
Visit a spiritual center
Fast and meditate in an effort to purify consciousness
Make an effort to be present and mindful
MANTRAS: I honor and protect my divine spirit.
I know my higher purpose is being fulfilled.
I trust in the Universe and I trust in myself.
SONG: "This little light of Mine" I don't care what your belief
system is--this song rocks!
What do you do to connect with spirit? Please tell me!
Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me.
Namaste,
Brooke
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Illuminating My Own Path
This is something that excites me!--that is, deepening my connection to the sixth chakra, the third eye chakra. This is the place where our intuition and imagination reside and it is associated with light. This excites me because I have already been focusing much of my energy in this place for a little while now.
Thanks to one of my newest spiritual guru's Mike Dooley, author of "Leveraging the Universe" and "Infinite Possibilities" I learned about the concept of "thoughts become things." In other words, whatever you focus on has a way of increasing. Whatever you think comes into being. If your focus is on positive thoughts, you will naturally attract positivity. If you concentrate on what's negative, you will bring more negativity towards you. This is SO true! Don't believe me? Try it! I have found this to be true.
I also learned from Mike Dooley the art of harnessing the power of my own thoughts in order to leverage the power of the Universe and effect positive change in my life. For each day of the week I have a different visualization practice dedicated to a different area of my life. For instance Mondays my visualizations are around romantic love and Tuesdays are for visualizing my future home. Wednesdays are for how I envision my professional life evolving and so on and so forth. This is tough though. I find myself getting easily distracted when I begin to visualize and my imagination often feels stifled. Perhaps this is a manifestation of fear. Could there be some doubt about this really working? Am I afraid that I will waste my time visualizing things that will not come true and then in the end be really disappointed?
I counter those fears by at least focusing on the thought and feeling that I am happy (which is not difficult for me to conjure up because it is sincerely how I am feeling right now!) Focusing on being happy is all that really matters because whatever we are trying to accomplish in life is so we can have the end result of experiencing happiness, right?
I see evidence of this fear/doubt in my artwork for today. The artwork is a reflection of how I experience my chamber of seeing. The source does not feel as wide and open as perhaps it could be. Also, within my visual field of the third eye, the colors are somewhat muted and blurred, which I think is indicative of the challenges I face in really harnessing my imagination and intuition.
I look forward to continuing this practice and engaging in the actions I listed below for strengthening my connection to the third eye chakra. I hope you will too!
YOUR TURN!
Envision your own chamber of seeing and knowing. What colors emerge? Is your field of vision open wide or narrow? Is the light that passes through bright and almost blinding? Is the light dark and muted? Or is the light just the right amount to clearly illuminate your path?
A balanced third eye chakra has the following characteristics:
* strong intuition
* creative imagination
* ability to visualize
* ability to recall dreams and memories
ACTIONS: * Focus your mental energy on what you appreciate about your
life and therefore what you would like more of.
* Take time for formally sitting with your future visualizations
everyday.
* Become attuned to your thought patterns and be willing
to change those which do not serve you.
* Surround yourself with beauty.
MANTRAS: I see the good in each person and each situation.
I make the choice to be as loving and positive as I know how to be.
I am wise, intuitive, and aligned with my highest good.
SONG: "A Beautiful Day" by India Arie (LOVE LOVE LOVE this song)
Tell me about what you envision for yourself!!!
Namaste and much love,
Brooke
Friday, December 2, 2011
Speaking My Truth
I am focusing on balancing the fifth chakra-- the throat chakra. It is associated with the element ether and corresponds with clear communication and creative expression. I am having a difficult time with this today even after my yoga practice.
I sat down to artistically respond to my throat chakra meditation and felt totally blocked. Absolutely nothing came to mind as to how I should express the current state of my communication center, whereas with the other 4 chakras, the images surfaced so easily. I drew a blank and then sat quietly for a few minutes. I offered up my trust completely to the Universe to guide my paintbrush to create the image that was buried inside me and then I went for it. Oof. I really really didn't like this image that came up--so much that I won't post it. I don't know what to make of it and to me it is unsightly.
I guess if I fear sharing it on my blog, then this means I'm not comfortable with speaking my truth. So, here I am unexpectedly struggling in this moment with this chakra. This is an unsettling feeling. I guess this is where I need some work. This is what I'm thinking--The lower three chakras are associated with the physical aspects of life, whereas the upper three chakras are concerned with spirituality and the heart chakra is the bridge between them. Perhaps I'm struggling with the first of the three upper chakras because I am beginning on a new spiritual path right now. Perhaps my stuckness is related to repressed feelings of anxiety as I make this change in my life...even though it is a very positive change. It's new, nonetheless--so of course that is going to have me feeling a bit nervous and uncertain while also feeling really excited and hopeful.
Since I didn't include my painting from today, I won't post my painting from 4 years ago either because I cannot make much sense of that one either. I admittedly just don't have the guts to share these with the world today. It's hard for me to admit that I have fears and reservations, though, because I want to be the super tough chick all the time. Hey! Did I just speak my truth?! Alright! There's a nice start!
My plan is to commit to focusing on some actions (which I will post below) that will hopefully help me towards balancing this chakra.
YOUR TURN!
What would the image of your communication center look like?
A balanced throat chakra has the following characteristics:
* being able to clearly communicate with others and self
* being able to listen well
* having a good sense of rhythm and timing
* being able to express oneself creatively
ACTIONS: Speak your truth more, chant, write in a stream-of-consciousness
kind of way
Listen attentively to others, listen to music, and filter out
unpleasant sounds
MANTRAS: I communicate my truth because I live my truth.
I listen to the truth of others.
I express my truth creatively.
I express my love and goodness every time I speak.
PLEASE COMMENT WITH YOUR TRUTH--I would be honored to hear it!!
Namaste,
Brooke
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