Self-Love is Being Able To Ask For AND Accept Help

If you are anything like me, you have struggled with allowing others to help you when you need it. There may be many reasons we don't accept help. One reason might be that we've learned somewhere along the way that asking for help or even needing help is a sign of weakness. (and yet, who on this planet never needs assistance from anyone??) Or perhaps we are so fiercely independent that we are in complete denial of or lack awareness of ever needing help.  Or worse...maybe we believe that we are not worthy of help. We feel we are a burden to others by receiving help and let's face it, our loved ones have better things to do then contribute to our needs, right? WRONG!

I have struggled with this quite a bit for years. I have tolerated being in relationship after relationship with men who were unattentive and at times downright neglectful...and this was tolerable because I didn't have enough love for myself to expect that others would be there for me.  I allowed the neglect to become acceptable. I allowed it to become commonplace...which eventually turned into a lack of self-care at times.

This weekend I learned a valuable lesson in allowing others to care for me. On Friday I had my wisdom teeth extracted and if you've ever had this done, you realize that it is impossible to care for yourself in this situation! I have been putting off this surgery for about seven years mainly because I didn't think that I would have anyone to so much as drive me home let alone take care of me during my recovery. But this weekend, I changed my expectations...and with ease, I might add.  I was able to change my expectations by recognizing my worth as a friend in need and by recognizing the dependable nature of two of the absolute best people I know who volunteered to be my caretakers for the weekend.

And what a splendid weekend it has been. I'm not going to say it hasn't been hard not resisting the help. I am guilty of all of the aforementioned reasons one tends to not ask for help. It's been a process. There have been times where I have simply not expressed my needs and waited for my caretaker to anticipate my needs (because our loved ones must be mind-readers, right?) I have had moments when I've asked for some more soda pop and immediately felt guilty for "being a diva."  And when my main nurse (aka my boyfriend) had to leave for a little while today and asked me if I wanted him to come back, I tried to get him to make that decision for me so I wouldn't be a monopolizer in asking him to return (even thought today is my worst day so far.) The only reason he was even asking me was to see if what I really needed was some space. He had every intention of returning as long as that wasn't my main need.  And it so isn't!

What I need...what I WANT is to be cared for right now. How often do I have trauma to my face, like this? How often do I need to be drugged 24/7, which as you probably know, is pretty incapacitating? So, really, how unreasonable is it to want to be nurtured for a few days particularly by someone who takes great pleasure in doing so?  So, I say to my nurse boyfriend...as much as you want to keep pouring my soda pop, bringing me yogurt and soup, melting cheese into my mashed potatoes, preparing my salt-water rinses (and forcing me to actually rinse), holding an ice pack to my swollen jaw, feeding me pain meds, cleaning my apartment, propping me up to play video games, watching my favorite TV shows with me, forcing me back into bed when I try to get into something, rubbing my back until I fall asleep, telling me I'm beautiful despite my chubby chipmunk cheeks...I will allow you to keep doing those things...because I'm worth it.

AND wouldn't I do the same thing for him? Of course I would! And I would for anyone else who needed me.

Now I ask you...what sort of negative messages have you received about asking for help? In what ways have not accepting help been detrimental to you in the past? How amazing would it feel to accept help from someone and not feel any guilt whatsoever about it???

I'll tell you how it feels...ahhhhhmazing. :)

Love yourself and allow others to love you too.

Much love and big hugs and kisses (and that ain't the drugs talkin'),
Brooke