As I was meditating this morning, I was becoming incredibly anxious. I kept thinking "OMG, I have so much I want and need to do today, how am I ever going to get it done?!" I have gift shopping to do...I have to clean because it looks like a tornado hit my apartment and I'm embarrassed to have anyone see it...I was hoping to do yoga this morning...there's a 3-hour workshop after church I committed myself to (and want to go to)...then there's homework due to tomorrow...I want to spend some quality time with my best friend this evening...and NOW I suddenly feel inspired to blog! There isn't a enough time in the day! Agggghhhhh!
I could feel my brow start to tense and then came the shoulders and then the shallow breathing and then I think..."why on Earth am I getting so worked up over this?" If you think about it, this is soooo trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'm allowing myself to nearly reach a full-blow panic attack over it? What the heck?! Obviously, if I let go of a couple of these to-do items today or table them for another time, nothing even remotely horrible is going to happen so why is it that am I catastrophizing?
I think the reason for this is that I'm trying to be perfect. Yes, perfect--that's what our higher power is expecting us to be, right? Uh...please tell me you didn't sincerely say yes to that. A goal of perfection in everyday life is most certainly going to produce debilitating anxiety because it just ain't possible!
So, when I noticed this anxiety happening during my meditation, I simply took a deep breath and returned to that loving, peaceful place inside of me. Then the thought occurred to me that I don't have to try to make everything happen. But I wondered how do I prioritize things in my life and make sure I'm making the best decisions in the moment? And the beautiful message came to me to ask myself when in decision-making mode - "Is this for love? Is this out of love? Is this with love?" And if the answer is yes, then tally-ho--let's go! If it's an underwhelming "uh, maybe?" or "not really" then I know it's something that can be tabled or maybe even dropped completely.
The goal in life isn't to achieve perfection--it's to cultivate love and share it with the world!! If you believe in a power greater than yourself, then believe that this is the only expectation that that higher power has of you. Phew...what a relief to know this... I can handle this! :)
What does it mean to do something FOR love and OUT OF love? Are you choosing to engage in an activity for the sake of perpetuating more love? If the answer is yes--then do it! If the goal is to elevate yourself to your highest good and to elevate others to their highest good, then do it. But if it's something that causes you pain or discomfort, OR if it's seriously detrimental to your health, OR it's manipulative OR it gets you all stirred up with anger, OR it causes someone else pain or discomfort, OR if it's something that you feel guilty or ashamed of, etc...then, one of two things needs to happen. You need to either not engage in it at all or you can choose a different approach. You can restructure the task or activity or reframe the experience so that it is more aligned with love and if this doesn't seem possible at this point in time, then drop it for now.
I was so glad to receive this message from my inner guide today because now I'm comforted in knowing how I'm going to decide what's going to happen and what's not and how I'm going to go about doing those things. The "how" is the manner in which I engage in each task/activity, which is with a loving and present-mindedness. With this attitude any activity can be a positive experience...even laundry!! Bleh. This is what it means to do it WITH love.
How do you do that? First of all, always be mindful when engaged in an activity--it is super loving to be present. Think about how much you appreciate it when someone is really present with you when you are talking--and you know that the person is sincerely interested in what you are saying and his/her mind isn't anywhere else? Isn't that love?! So do this with all your tasks, not just when you are having a conversation.
Having a loving attitude is remembering why whatever you are engaged in is for love, out of love, and with love. It's easy to realize why spending time with another person comes from a place of love and perpetuates even more love - but maybe it's not as easy to remember when you are scrubbing the toilet. That's where gratitude comes in - while you are mindfully scrubbing away, be thankful for that toilet! Rename it "Porcelain Goddess." Be thankful for the home in which you and that toilet co-habitate!
So, here are those steps for dealing with "I-must-be-perfect-and-succeed-with-my-over-committed-schedule-anxiety" summarized:
1. Take a deep breath and return to your peaceful, loving state.
2. Ask yourself "Is this for love? Is this out of love? Is this with love?"
3. If the answer is no, drop it and move on. If the answer
is yes, approach the task with a loving and present-mindedness.
Looking back on my to-do list for today, I realize there's nothing on there that wouldn't be aligned with love for me. However, I had too many things on that list and something had to go. What I had to do was prioritize the things on that list and choose whatever was going to be of the highest service to love (spending extra time with my BFF) and drop what ever was lower and could wait.
Let me hear from you! How do you approach everyday life with love? How do you cultivate more love? How can I help you become better practiced at this?
Much love,
Brooke
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Re-define the Meaning of Valentine's Day!!!
Sure, Valentine's Day is a highly commercialized holiday (like the rest of them, right?) and it's tough to be around people in love if you're not in a relationship on this day. And some might say "why do we choose just one day out of the year to celebrate loved ones when we should be doing that everyday?"... Fair enough. It's no wonder people cringe at the first sighting of a dozen roses or a heart-shaped balloon attached to a co-workers desk on this day.
But, like anything else--you have a choice in how you respond to this holiday. You can buy into the conventional version of Valentine's Day...you can be cranky as hell all day long...OR you can re-define it to mean whatever you want it to mean to you. That's what I've done, thanks to a wonderful gal (you know who you are!) that planted this little idea in my mind about a month ago. Me and this gal are even co-hosting a party tonight for ladies (single or otherwise) to celebrate all forms of love--particularly the most important kind--self-love!
What is self-love? Self-love is not the love that we seek from other people...but rather it is the love that you find from within. If you have trouble with showing yourself love, it's not because you don't have love for yourself but rather it's because somewhere along the way your love became covered up. Somewhere along the way you receieved messages that to love yourself is narcissitic or self-indulgent or maybe you learned that you aren't worthy of loving yourself. OR maybe you learned that you are only supposed to have love for others.
Self-love is THE most important form of love because when you have self-love you need not look anywhere outside yourself to feel love at any given time.
Self-love is giving yourself permission to:
* be your best (and not feel guilty about it)
* enjoy your life
* live the life you want for yourself
* make your dreams come true
* make mistakes
* be pampered and cared for
* feel your worth
* expect that others will appreciate you and love you
as much as you do
Here are some great ways you can show yourself love today and on a regular basis:
1. Make a Gratitude list. Think of at least 3 things you are grateful for before going to bed every night. This is sure to lift your spirits and the Universe gets the message that this is what you like and the positive feelings you have associated with what you are grateful for is what you would like to have more of. By doing this, you are attracting more abundance into your life!!
2. Create a personal mantra or affirmation. Make sure it's meaningful. Write your mantra down somewhere if you are having a particularly tough time remembering it. You could make yourself a wall-etsized version of it or even write it on your bathorrom mirror with a dry-erase marker. If you are stuck--here's one I wrote for you:
"As my basic human right, I am deserving of love...a love that is patient, kind, humble, peaceful, joyful, protective, trusting, hopeful, accepting, forgiving, understanding, and determined."
3. Create powerful intentions. We can choose our everyday attitude about life. An intention is like an attitude or an approach to life. Here are some examples:
* I intend to live more in the present.
* I intend to choose love over fear.
* I intend to trust in my intuition.
* I intend to open my hear more to others.
* I intend to live in a state of forgivenss.
* I intend to share my truth more.
* I intend to maintain my inner peace in all situations.
4. Develop a Self-care Practice. Having a self-care regimen is critical to good physical and emotional health. Without it, we run the risk of wearing down and becoming totally unavailable to others. We often end up nurturing the heck out of the ones we love and leave no energy to care for ourselves. Make a commitment to a regular self-care practice today. Is there something you need to be doing daily for your well being? How about activities that you like to do purely for fun's sake? What about activities that feed your spirit? Make a list of these activities and incorporate them into your life starting TODAY!
5. Ask for Help. One of the greatest things I have learned to do for myself is ask for help when I need it. It is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself! For instance, instead of trying to be fiercely independent when I got my wisdom teeth taken out a couple weeks ago, I asked my friends to pick me up and take care of me for several days. Also, when I am trying to process something I'm going through or I need to make a tough decision or perhaps prepare for an event I'm nervous about--I close my eyes, get real quiet and ask for some assistance from my inner guide (which I refer to as Spirit), and meditate on it for a while...and boy, do I get answers!
So, those are the basics for self-love! I hope you found this helpful and I hope that you choose to enjoy this day and celebrate your essence--that is, the loving spirit that is inherently you.
Much love to you all,
xoxoxo,
Brooke
But, like anything else--you have a choice in how you respond to this holiday. You can buy into the conventional version of Valentine's Day...you can be cranky as hell all day long...OR you can re-define it to mean whatever you want it to mean to you. That's what I've done, thanks to a wonderful gal (you know who you are!) that planted this little idea in my mind about a month ago. Me and this gal are even co-hosting a party tonight for ladies (single or otherwise) to celebrate all forms of love--particularly the most important kind--self-love!
What is self-love? Self-love is not the love that we seek from other people...but rather it is the love that you find from within. If you have trouble with showing yourself love, it's not because you don't have love for yourself but rather it's because somewhere along the way your love became covered up. Somewhere along the way you receieved messages that to love yourself is narcissitic or self-indulgent or maybe you learned that you aren't worthy of loving yourself. OR maybe you learned that you are only supposed to have love for others.
Self-love is THE most important form of love because when you have self-love you need not look anywhere outside yourself to feel love at any given time.
Self-love is giving yourself permission to:
* be your best (and not feel guilty about it)
* enjoy your life
* live the life you want for yourself
* make your dreams come true
* make mistakes
* be pampered and cared for
* feel your worth
* expect that others will appreciate you and love you
as much as you do
Here are some great ways you can show yourself love today and on a regular basis:
1. Make a Gratitude list. Think of at least 3 things you are grateful for before going to bed every night. This is sure to lift your spirits and the Universe gets the message that this is what you like and the positive feelings you have associated with what you are grateful for is what you would like to have more of. By doing this, you are attracting more abundance into your life!!
2. Create a personal mantra or affirmation. Make sure it's meaningful. Write your mantra down somewhere if you are having a particularly tough time remembering it. You could make yourself a wall-etsized version of it or even write it on your bathorrom mirror with a dry-erase marker. If you are stuck--here's one I wrote for you:
"As my basic human right, I am deserving of love...a love that is patient, kind, humble, peaceful, joyful, protective, trusting, hopeful, accepting, forgiving, understanding, and determined."
3. Create powerful intentions. We can choose our everyday attitude about life. An intention is like an attitude or an approach to life. Here are some examples:
* I intend to live more in the present.
* I intend to choose love over fear.
* I intend to trust in my intuition.
* I intend to open my hear more to others.
* I intend to live in a state of forgivenss.
* I intend to share my truth more.
* I intend to maintain my inner peace in all situations.
4. Develop a Self-care Practice. Having a self-care regimen is critical to good physical and emotional health. Without it, we run the risk of wearing down and becoming totally unavailable to others. We often end up nurturing the heck out of the ones we love and leave no energy to care for ourselves. Make a commitment to a regular self-care practice today. Is there something you need to be doing daily for your well being? How about activities that you like to do purely for fun's sake? What about activities that feed your spirit? Make a list of these activities and incorporate them into your life starting TODAY!
5. Ask for Help. One of the greatest things I have learned to do for myself is ask for help when I need it. It is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself! For instance, instead of trying to be fiercely independent when I got my wisdom teeth taken out a couple weeks ago, I asked my friends to pick me up and take care of me for several days. Also, when I am trying to process something I'm going through or I need to make a tough decision or perhaps prepare for an event I'm nervous about--I close my eyes, get real quiet and ask for some assistance from my inner guide (which I refer to as Spirit), and meditate on it for a while...and boy, do I get answers!
So, those are the basics for self-love! I hope you found this helpful and I hope that you choose to enjoy this day and celebrate your essence--that is, the loving spirit that is inherently you.
Much love to you all,
xoxoxo,
Brooke
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Don't Contract Someone Else's Dis-ease
So, I think the Universe thought, "Oh, Brooke, you've been having it too easy lately. Let me throw a zinger at ya so you have something to work on." Cuz that's exactly what happened. People happened. People with their own stuff happened. People who must be suffering because all they seem able to offer the world right now is a whole lot of negativity and ugliness. But what do you do when all that negativity becomes a direct assault on you?!
Let me tell you what my natural response is. I want to attack back. I want to yell. I especially want to cuss...ALOT. I want to figure out a way to show these folks their character defects somehow. I want to scream "Stop being an A-hole, already!!!"
What is it that I actually do? I do cuss...but in my mind and to my friends. I bite my tongue and smile in front of these folks and say "all the right things" to them while I seethe with rage just below the surface. I carry it around like a sack of cinder blocks until I'm utterly exhausted at the end of the day. I start to doubt and think ill of myself. I justify eating Reese's Cup after Reese's Cup until my tummy aches.
Where can I go from here? Well, who is suffering now? Based on my description above, does it not seem like I'm suffering too at this point? I was feeling just fine earlier today--emotionally anyways--but some interactions I had left me feeling down-trodden...I more or less contracted the dis-ease that I came in contact with during my day. The important thing I have to remember is that I allowed this to happen! The truth is that we can't control other people or what happens to us but we sure as heck can choose how we respond.
So, what's the cure to this sickness? The only thing that really works is a healthy cocktail of compassion, forgiveness, and love. (and maybe a few more Reese's cups :) It's important to remember that these particularly challenging people are not on a mission to wreck my life...even though at times it may feel that way. They are simply suffering and this is where the application of compassion comes in--by recognizing and honoring someone else's suffering.
Next comes the application of forgiveness. If you wait for someone to apologize before you offer forgiveness, well then you are just keeping yourself down in the mire of suffering. You can offer your forgiveness at any time to any one and you don't have to do it out loud. This is simply an attitude you adopt--it's not a grand gesture. You choose to forgive a person because in their state of suffering they erred by taking their pain out on others and you can relate to that. You've been there too before, no? It's pretty human for this to happen. Let this be a reminder that when you're suffering not to let it seep out and infect others because you know how much it hurts on the other side of it.
And lastly...the application of love. Radiate love. Remember your inherent loving spirit and allow it to wash over everything. You do in fact have the power to cleanse all the toxicity around you. This is a choice you can make and it WILL have an impact. It may take time for those in your environment to feel the impact, but you will feel it immediately.
Ahhhh. That's better. I wrote some mantras for one of my therapy groups today that are oh so appropriate for me this evening. (thanks for the prep work, Universe!) I'd like to share them here:
* I am ultimately responsible for myself.
* I am not a victim.
* I choose to respond to every difficult situation and interaction
with love and a positive attitude.
* Nothing disturbs my inner peace.
* I choose to live in a state of forgiveness.
Yep...I'm better. And I am ready for tomorrow--and not with an armor to protect myself from more anticipated unpleasantries...but with an even more open heart that's prepared to do more healing when needed for those who are clearly suffering.
I have the great capacity to love cuz I didn't catch the dis-ease after all.
mmmmm...hmmmmmm,
Brooke
Let me tell you what my natural response is. I want to attack back. I want to yell. I especially want to cuss...ALOT. I want to figure out a way to show these folks their character defects somehow. I want to scream "Stop being an A-hole, already!!!"
What is it that I actually do? I do cuss...but in my mind and to my friends. I bite my tongue and smile in front of these folks and say "all the right things" to them while I seethe with rage just below the surface. I carry it around like a sack of cinder blocks until I'm utterly exhausted at the end of the day. I start to doubt and think ill of myself. I justify eating Reese's Cup after Reese's Cup until my tummy aches.
Where can I go from here? Well, who is suffering now? Based on my description above, does it not seem like I'm suffering too at this point? I was feeling just fine earlier today--emotionally anyways--but some interactions I had left me feeling down-trodden...I more or less contracted the dis-ease that I came in contact with during my day. The important thing I have to remember is that I allowed this to happen! The truth is that we can't control other people or what happens to us but we sure as heck can choose how we respond.
So, what's the cure to this sickness? The only thing that really works is a healthy cocktail of compassion, forgiveness, and love. (and maybe a few more Reese's cups :) It's important to remember that these particularly challenging people are not on a mission to wreck my life...even though at times it may feel that way. They are simply suffering and this is where the application of compassion comes in--by recognizing and honoring someone else's suffering.
Next comes the application of forgiveness. If you wait for someone to apologize before you offer forgiveness, well then you are just keeping yourself down in the mire of suffering. You can offer your forgiveness at any time to any one and you don't have to do it out loud. This is simply an attitude you adopt--it's not a grand gesture. You choose to forgive a person because in their state of suffering they erred by taking their pain out on others and you can relate to that. You've been there too before, no? It's pretty human for this to happen. Let this be a reminder that when you're suffering not to let it seep out and infect others because you know how much it hurts on the other side of it.
And lastly...the application of love. Radiate love. Remember your inherent loving spirit and allow it to wash over everything. You do in fact have the power to cleanse all the toxicity around you. This is a choice you can make and it WILL have an impact. It may take time for those in your environment to feel the impact, but you will feel it immediately.
Ahhhh. That's better. I wrote some mantras for one of my therapy groups today that are oh so appropriate for me this evening. (thanks for the prep work, Universe!) I'd like to share them here:
* I am ultimately responsible for myself.
* I am not a victim.
* I choose to respond to every difficult situation and interaction
with love and a positive attitude.
* Nothing disturbs my inner peace.
* I choose to live in a state of forgiveness.
Yep...I'm better. And I am ready for tomorrow--and not with an armor to protect myself from more anticipated unpleasantries...but with an even more open heart that's prepared to do more healing when needed for those who are clearly suffering.
I have the great capacity to love cuz I didn't catch the dis-ease after all.
mmmmm...hmmmmmm,
Brooke
Thursday, February 2, 2012
How Not to Recreate A Painful Past in the Present
I know it may seem as though I'm making a big deal of having my wisdom teeth extracted, but this experience has really thrown me more than I ever could have anticipated! It's been a challenging week, not only physically but emotionally as well.
Physically what has happened is that my body has responded poorly to the narcotics (but really, whose body responds well to these toxic drugs?) I've been having some unmentionable complications as a result of taking them. Not to mention I've had weird low-grade fever spikes (which I went to the ER for) and major drops in my blood sugar level from not eating enough. And get this--this is just how much our mind and body are connected--With my body being so sedentary for the past week, my mind has been triggered to think and feel as though I'm depressed since my body remembers this particular physical state as being a state of depression.
This a tricky place to be in. I'm in this drug-induced fog compounded by pain and discomfort, compounded by a sedentary body and idle mind - prime breeding ground for lots of tiny mad ideas (insert ego's best evil laugh here.) In fact, in this particularly vulnerable state, ego has a wonderful opportunity to really take me down...if I let it.
My mind and body have been triggered and therefore have been compromised. My body thinks I'm depressed and this experience has also triggered some painful memories that have in turn churned up some fear in me (easy, ego...I know you're getting excited over there.) For instance, my last experience of being ill and bed-ridden ended with my boyfriend at the time leaving me...like, really leaving me. So, yesterday I had a moment of "oh my gosh, my boyfriend is going to leave me. I've burdened him too much. He loves me less now. I HAVE to get better to save us." I tearfully expressed this to him at the risk of sounding completely neurotic, and his response was more or less "Huh? That's definitely not going to happen." I had this crazy thought because my body and mind were just remembering what happened last time I was in this sort of state. Fortunately, my boyfriend remembered me telling him about this and reminded me that I was just being triggered and I had nothing to worry about in the present.
This is where the real work comes in. Think about it - How often do we recreate a painful present that's completely based in a painful past? How often are you aware that your thoughts and feelings in the present are just painful memories? Memories are only illusions, therefore any thoughts and feelings you have today that are based on memories are only illusions. I'm not saying that those feelings are invalid because your feelings are always valid, but I think it's helpful to know the source of the feelings in order to know how to work through them.
So when these feelings that are based on memories come up...what do you do?
Well, you can first breathe a sigh of relief when you recognize that you're in the present and it's impossible to live in the past. You then commit to not recreating the past in the present by releasing the negative feelings. Here's my example - "I release this fear of loss for it has nothing to do with my present relationship." Then use facts about your present day situation to reaffirm your positive beliefs. "This man has done nothing but show his love for me. He has been unconditionally compassionate, supportive, and committed. Thank you, Universe for bringing this wonderful person into my life." And then...move on!!
My final step in this process, actually is not only to move on, but to have a totally different approach to my day to prove to my mind and body that I'm not down and out. I'm up today. I'm Vicodin-free. I'm moving around. I'm writing and being productive. I have plans to do all kinds of things that I love to do for myself (at a slower pace than usual ;-) Tiny Mad Ideas won't be able to get a foothold in the mental environment I'm creating for myself today.
My mantra for today: Pain and fear are no match for my strength and love.
Booooyah.
Go ahead... you can steal my mantra for yourself :-)
Hugs and kisses,
Brookie B
Physically what has happened is that my body has responded poorly to the narcotics (but really, whose body responds well to these toxic drugs?) I've been having some unmentionable complications as a result of taking them. Not to mention I've had weird low-grade fever spikes (which I went to the ER for) and major drops in my blood sugar level from not eating enough. And get this--this is just how much our mind and body are connected--With my body being so sedentary for the past week, my mind has been triggered to think and feel as though I'm depressed since my body remembers this particular physical state as being a state of depression.
This a tricky place to be in. I'm in this drug-induced fog compounded by pain and discomfort, compounded by a sedentary body and idle mind - prime breeding ground for lots of tiny mad ideas (insert ego's best evil laugh here.) In fact, in this particularly vulnerable state, ego has a wonderful opportunity to really take me down...if I let it.
My mind and body have been triggered and therefore have been compromised. My body thinks I'm depressed and this experience has also triggered some painful memories that have in turn churned up some fear in me (easy, ego...I know you're getting excited over there.) For instance, my last experience of being ill and bed-ridden ended with my boyfriend at the time leaving me...like, really leaving me. So, yesterday I had a moment of "oh my gosh, my boyfriend is going to leave me. I've burdened him too much. He loves me less now. I HAVE to get better to save us." I tearfully expressed this to him at the risk of sounding completely neurotic, and his response was more or less "Huh? That's definitely not going to happen." I had this crazy thought because my body and mind were just remembering what happened last time I was in this sort of state. Fortunately, my boyfriend remembered me telling him about this and reminded me that I was just being triggered and I had nothing to worry about in the present.
This is where the real work comes in. Think about it - How often do we recreate a painful present that's completely based in a painful past? How often are you aware that your thoughts and feelings in the present are just painful memories? Memories are only illusions, therefore any thoughts and feelings you have today that are based on memories are only illusions. I'm not saying that those feelings are invalid because your feelings are always valid, but I think it's helpful to know the source of the feelings in order to know how to work through them.
So when these feelings that are based on memories come up...what do you do?
Well, you can first breathe a sigh of relief when you recognize that you're in the present and it's impossible to live in the past. You then commit to not recreating the past in the present by releasing the negative feelings. Here's my example - "I release this fear of loss for it has nothing to do with my present relationship." Then use facts about your present day situation to reaffirm your positive beliefs. "This man has done nothing but show his love for me. He has been unconditionally compassionate, supportive, and committed. Thank you, Universe for bringing this wonderful person into my life." And then...move on!!
My final step in this process, actually is not only to move on, but to have a totally different approach to my day to prove to my mind and body that I'm not down and out. I'm up today. I'm Vicodin-free. I'm moving around. I'm writing and being productive. I have plans to do all kinds of things that I love to do for myself (at a slower pace than usual ;-) Tiny Mad Ideas won't be able to get a foothold in the mental environment I'm creating for myself today.
My mantra for today: Pain and fear are no match for my strength and love.
Booooyah.
Go ahead... you can steal my mantra for yourself :-)
Hugs and kisses,
Brookie B
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